Did Life Begin (Or End) At 40?

Short answer, no! Longer answer below.

Well I'm still alive so it didn't end. I haven't died, though after training I can smell that way on occasion. I haven't grown up either, still managed to hurt myself training and play silly games with my son enjoying them as much as any other child would.

I have been 41 for a short while now and there is something to be said about not having a 0 at the end of my age. I am not getting people asking me how much I was dreading turning 40 or how old I must feel any more, I don't even get people looking at me in astonishment at the fact I will happily admit my age which was in some ways worse. I did have a couple of people saying that it will hit me harder when I reached 50 but I had that when I was 30 about turning 40 so I seriously doubt it.


There are a lot of reasons people feel age to be significant and not all of them are bad.

The passing of time brings us ever closer to the end of our lives, dark and sinister maybe for some but for me this is more about what I leave behind. I want to see my son grown up and happy, if he has children I will likely want to see the same for them too. Death means I don't get to see them again, so I won't be there for them if I am needed. That stings more than it should because in truth I seem to be very good at not dying even when all evidence says I should have many times. I am immortal until proven otherwise.

The young at heart. I never fully understand this term, maybe I have always been too old at heart to get it. To me it is always a pretence. I am physically capable of far more than most half my age, I can act the fool with the best of them, I am not young and have no illusions about this, which makes this even more confusing for me. I see people declaring they are young at heart who seem to be using it to describe the fact they are jovial and happy, as if being older makes you less happy. Others use it as an excuse to be selfish and drink like they could when they were younger. The young at heart seem to feel the passage of time is an insult to their eternal youth.

The waiters, not the people bringing you food and drink, these are the people who were waiting for life to bring them something worth having. These people get to 'milestone' birthdays and look back wondering why they didn't get the breaks. Truth is we all get them, the trick is spotting them and going for it, then of course being willing to pay the price for them. I took the road less travelled because I saw what started off as a small opportunity that became a way of life for a few years and set me into a totally different mind-set. The cost is that while the others who walked the more conventional trail have nicer houses that are mostly paid for I don't and with the property market being as it is I likely never will. I don't like it but that is the cost of me taking the opportunities I did.

There are more of course but I don't intend this to be a novel.


Milestone passed. 40 was a mixed year.

I hurt myself being stupid training as already stated. This means I will not be achieving this years targets, though in all honesty they were a bit ridiculous anyway.
For the first time in many years I decided I wanted to build up a bit and be more aesthetically biased than pure functional as I normally am. My wife has put up with me for 15 years and I felt that it would be nice for her to have me looking more appealing for her. The balding old man look isn't what she went for when we first met and there's not a lot I can do about the disappearing hairline but I can work to ensure that beneath the rapidly greying body hair is a physique she likes.
Fortunately she was pretty happy with me as I was because this is not looking realistic at all. In fairness we all have genetic limits on how much muscle we can build without intra-muscular hormone supplements and I am almost 1.5 times my original body weight even with having to slip into remedial work, which seems to be my limit.
When analysing the math it appears the additional weight I was able to gain was far from the 50/50 muscle/fat split and more like 20/80, so I was gaining weight but not much lean mass. I have dropped some weight again now and most of that has been the excess blubber so I do look prettier, if not bigger.

My son started at a school rather than being home educated, which wasn't an instant thing. We were told in no uncertain terms he wasn't suitable for state education, which in fairness to me means the state aren't providing a suitable education and support. Subsequently we took to educating him at home. When at a group of sessions designed to help parents with children on the Autistic spectrum my wife was directed to a school that specialised in secondary age children on the spectrum. After a great deal of sessions, forms etc. we got a SEN (Special Educational Needs) statement, which said this school would be best for him, we were a respectable second there was no third.
We then spent a great deal of time grilling the school on what they would be able to provide for him, concerned that they would be either a glorified nursery providing virtually no education, or be as bad as the school he had attended. They made all the right noises but we were still concerned.
The good news is the SEN was spot on, he loves it and we are starting to be able to just enjoy being his parents again. Something you don't always realise when home educating in a way that actually includes education is how much it can damage your parental relationship. Our son had started to see us as omnipresent and probably always on his back because the parts he was remembering were the critiques over the fun.

Because of the lack of stigma attached to being 41 it is just a bit of fun. It's going well with my son enjoying school, my training going better than I deserve and life is ticking along happily.
So life didn't begin or end, it just continued. If people are being generous they could declare me middle aged, presuming a lifespan of 82 years or they can be less diplomatic and say I'm just old.

Parental Surprises

I originally thought about writing this a while ago when my wife told me one of the most surprising comments my son has come out with so far, and he has surprised us often. As such I will start with background to the surprise, the comment, then move on.

I am not a pleasant person, an avid self-improver who expects a lot of myself and those close to me makes a tough person to live with let alone love. I am not abusive in the classical sense but I am incredibly strict and my mood can change like the weather and many don't even notice it happening.
The first word my son learned was 'no' if he didn't stop what he was doing at being told he would be removed from it or have what he was misbehaving with removed from him. It took very little time to learn that no meant he was doing something wrong and that a cute look was often not enough to get him out of trouble unless he stopped too.
Keen advocates of physical punishment hate me, because while their discipline has the range of their arm, mine doesn't. A look or call and the action stops, there are definitely occasions when there is a bit of stropping about it and heated exchanges happen, but unless I am wrong with what I assumed was happening my word goes. It angers a lot of people declaring a smack is needed that my son who has never been hit and has Asperger's which many use as an excuse is so much more disciplined and responsive than their progeny.
I make no secret of this to my son, he is told in no uncertain terms that I am hard on him and that his upbringing is strict. He knows this by the reactions of other children who think I must be cool Dad for getting involved in play, then are less pleased when they realise I take no nonsense.
We were out for a day with a friend of his who's parent uses a lot of empty threats, 'if you do/don't do this I'll do x' or 'you'll lose y' then they continue doing or not doing what they are told nothing happens but a repeat. Subsequently the behaviour doesn't improve. It is an unfortunate point to parenting that you can't bluff, if you say you will do something you have to follow it through even when it goes against everything you believe in, just learn not to say it again, or ideally think it through first.
I know my son has observed the behaviour of others then comment on being glad we are strict with him because it has stopped him being like them, but even still I found the conversation reported to me a shock.
With me being such an openly strict disciplinarian I have often expected this to cause issues between me and my son, something I don't want, but accept as part of being a parent. The conversation he started with my wife however made me realise that honesty and structure really are appreciated. His comment was that he knew we gave him quite a long leash but was glad we didn't give him as much as others because it showed how much we love him.
I will be totally fair a lot of surprises with children can be hard to take or amusing but this one stunned us both and made us feel very proud. This is the sort of thing I expected might happen when he became an adult, maybe had children of his own, but he's only 11.

No child is by the book, but it's worth reading them. Like most parents with a crawling toddler we took precautions, including initially putting plug socket covers over unused sockets. These covers are not really essential in the UK because the current only flows when the large earth section is fully pushed in but parents are paranoid so we cover them. The thing any parent will know about these things is they are a pain in the rear to remove, and before we put them in our son showed no interest in any socket. Once in place however they became a source of curiosity and he would sit pulling one out and pushing it back in repeatedly, they were given away that day and he never went near a socket again.
There are things you have to improvise and we all get things wrong but it is best to read up first and make informed mistakes than simply repeat the mistakes of parents or create whole new ones of your own. One I found horrible but have kept in mind is that as social animals there is no way to bring up a child without teaching them to lie. I read it and watched a show of various very good parenting methods and what the child would take from it. There is little more horrific to a parent than knowing there is no way to avoid a failure, and teaching dishonesty is something most of us would class as a failure.
None of us ever become expert parents but failing to bother learning anything at all will leave you floundering often and it is better to find know as much as you can first. The surprises are then less frequent and often less distressing.

Intelligence. I have often said if you treat a child as if they are idiots they will become one and have worked very much on the basis of treating my son as someone with a working brain, which has stretched him a lot and ended up with me spending long periods explaining things to him when saying something that sailed over his head at first telling. In contrast I have also been very surprised with some of the things he has simply picked up and the direct way in which he has declared it. One rather embarrassing example is the way he easily linked the mating processes of other mammals with humans and the understanding that sex is the beginning of procreation. When my wife declared that he was a child born of love to explain how we were in a strong relationship before he was born, his reaction was to laugh and say 'No I wasn't, I was born of sex.' It's very hard to have a response ready for a 9 year old saying that, especially when he's not wrong. Other parents nearby simply looked on glad it wasn't them.
It is bizarre sometimes to see him managing a lot of academic things so easily while totally missing what most would consider obvious social cues, but that is Asperger's and there is usually a cost to any gift. I won't say I am always happy to pay it but I got what I wanted and am willing to take the cost.

Individuality. We home educate and it is very easy in this situation to enforce ignorance in your child. They don't get taught by outsiders so as many do it is easy to leave out subjects you don't want taught. Examples I have seen are people refusing to teach science, history even geography because they disagree with the bible, something I am pretty sure no well read theist would want to do, people choosing not to teach their daughters English to confine them to their local community, or simply not teaching subjects they didn't like or know much about. We have enough ignorance in the world and I am a firm believer that my son will never be limited by me, an opinion my wife shares. As such we teach him as much as we can whether we agree in it or not. The pay off is a child who disagrees with each and both of us on a number of things, a true individual who has formed his own informed opinions about the world, and continually assesses them.
It can be horrible sometimes to see your child not feeling strongly against things you have seen to be very wrong in the world but it is also good to know this means they haven't experienced it. He is still at an age where there are heroes and villains but he is starting to understand that very often it is simply perspective that separates them. He is staring to understand scale too be realising that large companies are big polluters but they are being so to provide things we demand, so by buying him toys that he desires we are polluting our world, meaning he s part of the problem too. He understands this but like all of us still appreciates a new toy.
I am proud that he is becoming his own person, he is far more decent than I was at his age and set to become a better person than me in so many ways.

Dialogue. Something we have worked hard to keep open and is working well so far, better with his mother than me but he is with her more often. This one is painful a lot of the time but we set up a principle that if we could tell him off for misbehaving he could do the same. This was initially to reinforce lessons by ensuring we all obeyed the rules and occasionally have me disobeying them to let him have the chance to tell me off which helped him learn not to do it, which worked well. As time has gone on this has left the avenues open for him to tell me how he feel I am getting parenting wrong or how he feels about me when being told off.
If you want dialogue and confidence from your child be prepared for the emotional cost, because some of what they will tell you will tear your heart apart. I have heard him telling me how I have made him feel so bad he just wanted to run away and never come back, how he hated me for saying and doing some things amongst others. There are a number of parents who would deem this as a sign I have got discipline wrong, they will be the same parents who don't understand why their child didn't come to them when they needed help or guidance. If you want your child to see you as someone they can come to they have to feel you are approachable. It is difficult getting the balance to ensure respect is maintained as well, something I undoubtedly get wrong both sides on occasion but I am often surprised at how comfortable he is talking to me while still keeping the fact that I am Dad and have the final word in mind. Of course on occasions it goes wrong and his confidence overspills to a full on strop, he's not perfect, he's human and that is going to happen. In fairness I would rather this on occasion than him be scared of me. I don't tend to tell him this bit, there's a difference between occasional acceptance and encouragement.

Failures. We all have them and it's important to know when they happen and learn from them.
One I will never forget is trying the scream out system to stop a toddler paddy, something that wasn't common in his youth in fairness and none but this lasted more than a few minutes. Rather than our usual talking down when he tried a screaming fit we simply sent him to stand on the stairs until he stopped. Once you have said you will do something you have to follow through as said earlier, so we stayed the course. 1/2 an hour later he was still going and when asked if he remembered what he was screaming about the response of 'No!' didn't stop the process, in fact he barely stopped to answer. Things we learned from this, it doesn't work with him at all and there is nothing wrong with that boy's lungs, he kept going just over 3/4 of an hour before becoming tired, having a cry about the fact we didn't care enough to talk him down as normal then going to sleep. Never tried anything like that again, reasoning was the way to go.
The failures we make will often be small and short term if fixed immediately. I have even been complimented by my son for changing the way I have done things and he has told me how the new way made him feel which in itself explained it's improved success rate. Positive feedback on your parenting skills from your child feels good especially when it is about something they still don't like, example discipline, but are still happy to tell you is an improvement.

There are no perfect parents. I will continue to get things wrong but the important thing I have found which isn't a surprise is how accepting not being perfect as a general theme is not enough, we have to know what we are doing wrong and fix it.

Let's Talk About Sex

We educate our son at home and this has been a continuous challenge partly because I refuse to teach ignorance and don't want a clone who cannot think for himself and is limited by me.
This however is about a topic all parents need to be ready to talk about and teach. Not doing so creates one heck of a mess, and most u=of us probably know this from personal experience.
One of the recent science blocks was postponed when we noticed an early visible sign of the early onset of pubescence. So instead of teaching the topic of reversible and irreversible reactions, something he is now enjoying, I was teaching puberty and teenage neurological development of both genders, something he hated but to give him his full due took seriously and enquired about with great interest. I have already told him there will be sex education to follow in a few years when he starts becoming interested in that, right now the idea repulses him so he would shut out the subject. He accepts though doesn't fully understand why this desire will suddenly appear. He figured out for himself that sex is the path to reproduction by watching nature documentaries and is very at home with the fact his origin was his parents copulating, yes it really is as disturbing as you think to have a child of 8 years old, as he was, responding to a program talking about a child being the product of love by stating, 'no it's not it's the product of sex.' When you pick your jaw up from the floor you spend one of the longest half seconds of your life figuring out what to say to this evident truth.

Why is this important?
My version of sex education was if anything worse than learning about puberty. Parents wouldn't cover it at all. My step father when trying to explain what HIV was asked if I knew what a condom was or did, when I said no the conversation was pretty much over. School covered puberty after I had 90+% finished it and I was a very late developer so that was destined to be totally useless. Add in the totally vague content and they may as well not have bothered.
What I did learn by listening to my mother and her friends talking in one room and my step father and the other men talking in the other was the women weren't being satisfied and hadn't been willing to let their men know. the men thought they were doing well because of their partners dishonesty. So I left home thinking men had no chance of pleasing a woman, scared to death to even try and convinced any pleasure I saw would be faked.
This combined with being such a late developer meant I spent a few years taking whatever was offered and doing exactly as I was told, partly from desire to please but almost as much from fear of messing it up. In short if you aren't willing to teach your child about sex you will cause them problems. There are more important lessons and yes this isn't something any of us are looking forward to, but it's better than leaving them to learn by a string of mistakes and neuroses about what should be one of life's pleasures and hopefully a part of a loving relationship.

Keeping dialog open.
This isn't just regarding sex or puberty. We are the constants and have to be there for our children. But it is something many would be too embarrassed to talk with parents about, if the dialog isn't kept open these lessons will be hell on earth and it will have been your own fault. If you have let them close that doesn't excuse you from class it just means you have to work harder in them, no excuses.

Some topics I intend to cover.

Reasons for sex. He already knows one of them and was inquisitive enough to have already learned the anatomical and mechanical act of reproduction in various plants and animals, including humans. He also understands that he will start having a desire for this and I have explained that this is normal. However we live in a world that acts as if this is disgraceful one moment and essential the next. I want him to understand that this is something to be viewed as part of a normal healthy relationship, and that when viewed responsibly something that can be safe, enjoyable and not something to be ashamed of.


Risks and solutions. This one will be fun, while explaining that sex is not a bad thing and can be a pleasant part of a relationship I then need to scare him into being responsible.

Unwanted pregnancies. Too many of us were one and the damage to parents and child is something that needs to be understood. Prevention needs to be realistic, I'm not the Catholic Church so where abstinence is not on the agenda a condom or other contraception will do very nicely.

STDs. Considering there are a number of these that can be transmitted without the part carrying the disease being aware of them and how to avoid or potentially treat them. The serious ones many get taught about but without a whole body latex covering you aren't getting away from the risk of those delightful scabies lice etc.

Rape. One home educator I have a great deal of respect for put up online that she was giving her younger child, her daughter, a talk about how to minimise the risk of being raped, then realised her older son had never had a talk about how to avoid committing it. None of us like to think our child would ever do such a thing, but statistically males are far more likely to commit rape than females, so not having this talk could mean you are part cause to a future rape. This is not a guaranteed result, I didn't have one and the concept of being close to committing rape has scared me to the point where I have stopped and checked the lady was sure several times in my life, choice of cold shower and being unsure, no contest. However burying your head in the sand is not helping. If parents talking to their sons about the realities of rape reduced them 10% it would be worthwhile, and I personally think if every parent did this it would likely reduce them closer to 10% than by it.
I am very cut and dry here, and have had many debate me because of it. The difference is yes or no, yes is consent no is rape, I don't care what stage this is at or how much the person being refused wants it or how much teasing has been done. I have met women who have deliberately tried to get me to this point because I had a reputation for being unnaturally in control, truth is the word no or stop will call a halt every time, I am terrified of hurting someone mentally or physically and this works better than bromide for me.
I don't know exactly how this conversation will go with my son, I have a couple of years to get ready and I know he will control some of the direction.


Techniques. This won't be a practical assessment but there are some basic things that need to be covered, stuff like lubricant not being a substitute for foreplay, (How's this for misusing a photo, and scaring a few homophobes at one go) being prepared to experiment and receive complaints when this results in his partner being turned off rather than on, etc.
Most of us get older and wish we'd had the benefit of experience in our youth, I am not going to get graphic in the lessons but a few simple things covering anatomy etc. are not likely to cause any harm and may mean he is more relaxed when he is confronted with someone wanting him sexually. If he is less scared than I was it will be a step in the right direction.
The main thing I want him to understand is that no-one is likely to expect him to be a sensation in his early days so it's OK to get things wrong and ask what his partner likes. Much as anything else there aren't many guaranteed wins, what works for one person won't for another and this is not a problem. People declaring they have never had any complaints often worry me, at best it means they are lying at worst it means they are afraid to try something new, aren't listening or aren't approachable.

Truth about home education (without scaremongering)

The chances of anyone getting to this thread who will benefit from it is slim to none but still enough to make it worth posting.

In the UK and likely elsewhere there is a lot of fear and panic being spread to such an extent people are becoming scared to involve local authorities in the process. As with most situations there is nothing to be afraid of unless you are a major cause of damage to your children and based on what I have seen even when I thought they were.
There are some very negative impressions given on some facebook threads, one in particular which is administered by someone who will ban anyone who doesn't agree with her scare stories. These areas make it seem that the only outcome from telling the authorities you are educating at home is a surprise doorstep visit from the police and social services and intimidation to get your child back to state education. When you are looking at something as major as home educating this is the last thing you want to see and the reality is instead of supporting fellow home educators this will simply scare them and set them to focusing on imagined hazards instead of providing an education.

The reality of home education law UK version.
If you never send your child to school there is no legal requirement to advise the authorities, if you are removing them from a school you have to advise the school and local education authority. How approachable etc. they are is dependant on the individual, same as anything else but I would advise notifying them whether you have to or not. It isn't essential to eat more than every few days but most of us do and not doing so is pretty stupid.
Removing your child form a school without notifying the authorities is illegal, plain and simple and considering the most common abusers of children are the parents this will raise flags with police and social services who are not only empowered but duty bound to investigate this in order to protect the child(ren) in question. If you are scared out of doing so you will find yourself in a truly terrifying situation and your names will be entered onto a few watch lists as they should be to ensure children at risk are protected. This doesn't mean you are an abuser, but does mean you have behaved as one would.
You can notify and request no visits and the authorities have to abide by your request, but this will be seen as potentially having something to hide so you will be a bit further down the list of putting children at risk. Considering there appears to be no minimum standard you have to teach to, a fact that disgusts me to the core, I cannot see why anyone will not allow a standard scheduled visit, which is the authorities preferred. The fact is offering this will result in a 25% or less chance of the asking for one unless you absolutely insist due to their workload and you will be so far down the list of at risk as not to be seen unless you start burning crosses n your front garden or ordering weapons grde plutonium over the internet.

Personal experience dealing with the local education authority was mixed. The boss in charge of the home education department was an ex-teacher and I felt very much that she demonstrated a case of those who can do, those who can't teach and if you really can't you become boss of home education, she has since gone and everyone else we have dealt with has been fine. We asked them to give us annual visits to assess if we were educating our son to a suitable standard, we have had one initial assessment and not seen them since, the appointment was booked, rescheduled by them and took place with no police or social services presence. The paperwork from the assessment came back saying we were providing for our son better than the state would be able to with reasoning, not a sign of intimidation etc. We havent' seen them since but send them plans and details of the assessments we do every year to be sure we aren't letting our son down and they write back saying thank you.
Truth is they are there to provide a service, not a very good one as they have virtually no information to help you find resources etc. but working with them is very easy and totally painless.

I have witnessed one set of parents who I would say have to be one of the worst set of home educators going and even though they did everything in the most stupid and obstructive way possible they can still educate at home, I use the term very loosely.
The parents in question have multiple children who attended school for a few years and have been removed for home education. On leaving school they were reading at below the level they would be expected to for thier age, math ability similarly below so they would be seen as needing support in standard state schools. After almost 2 years of home education their abilities in basic english and math were below that on leaving school.
For reasons totally seperate they were investigated by social services and because they home educate this had to be investigate this as part of the process. End result with a family evidently educating their children so badly they were not only failing to learn new things but losing the abilities school had given them and at least one having openly stated they wanted to go back to school, was an advisory to return their children to school without any enforcement.
These will undoubtedly have posted on forums about how badly treated they were by the authorities they were constantly fighting with, while totally missing how little education they are providing at home. But even they still continue to be allowed to neglect their responsibilities without fear of reprisals.

The idea of this post is not to encourage people to think in terms of not bothering to educate knowing they can do so, even though it appears parents in the UK can. It is to show people that following the rules is simple and far less stressful than being obstructive. Knowing it's all done by the book and that if you are going to get a visit it will be one organised with a letter coming to you with a requested date and time.
Education authorities are generally quite lazy regarding home education, and there is a lot of work involved in setting up scary visits by police and social services so they won't do it unless they really feel it's needed.
They won't care if you are teaching on a dining table in fact most do, when we showed a desk they were shocked. They know it's expensive so will not expect you to have spent several thousands on kit either.
They want you to have considered all options first and will tell you about the best schools for your child and what they could provide, because many parents don't find out for themselves or schools fail to tell them. This is not pressure it is information, treat it as such.
They want to see what provisions you have made for education and social interaction their opinions on this will be drafted into a report if you get a visit. In the same way as anything else this should be viewed as a tool, none of us will get everything right and arrogantly assuming we do can only damage our children, so take notice even if you disagree.

Making a mistake often means potentially damaging something. Making a mistake on educating your children could easily damage their entire future, so take it seriously and get any help you can. If you advise the authorities and they give you one website link you didn't have, it was worth it. Better to go by the book and get nothing in return than have fear anyway.
Also remember that you may decide to return a child to school, good relationship with the education authority will help here. It is worth it and they aren't the devil's army.

Granular Detail

If you ever decide to home educate, be sure not to make the mistake I made for today's science lesson.
Science is predominantly a dad topic so I set out what we are covering and teach it to my wife, which mostly involves reminding with a few new bits.
The topic being covered was genetics specifically base pairs and DNA structure. During planning I had said there is no point having the full names for the A, T, C, G or DNA, that will simply add confusion and he will worry that we expect him to remember it all. This was a mistake.
He wanted to know the full names and my wife went on line to find them, which resulted in a batch of other details confusing what should have been a simple set of information, and my son losing interest as it put what we were saying in doubt.
If I had put that detail in place but stated they were not essential this would have been avoided.
There are subjects where he wouldn't have asked, I should have remembered science was never going to be one of them. No matter how much you think you have planned for, it will never be right every time.
In fairness we are a few years ahead on this topic so it shouldn't have been an issue. Genetics, even at a basic level wouldn't normally be part of education before high school. In fact we looked at a mock GCSE paper and the areas he is covering would have answered almost half of the topic there. The difference interest makes.
English is still fun as he hates writing, and sees no real point to understanding the exact name of different types of words etc. Trying to convince him to persevere is an uphill struggle that we keep rolling back down, but it still has to be done.

Rough With The Smooth (Home Ed)

There are many benefits to 1 to 1 education, the main being the ability to absolutely tailor the lessons to the student and be flexible on good and bad days.
For those of you thinking that this makes life easier, think again. There are definite challenges to teaching groups, but one child can still throw the odd spanner in the works, and not always as you would expect.

Never underestimate children. Many think children are somehow dim-witted and only learn what they are taught. They will assume that when a documentary pitched for adults is on TV a pre high school child would be bored or confused by this and not pay attention. I know my son is brilliant and am used to having basic curriculum covering 10% of the lessons at most and build up the rest myself, however I was still guilty of the above.
His current science topic is life cycles. We had the details needing to be covered in the curriculum, gave him the books for that term, done in 1 lesson with a bit of time to spare, including questions and a few fun bits. I decided it could be interesting to see how he coped with a bit of very high level genetics, something schools wouldn't be covering with him for a few years yet, especially as part of it was looking at how butterflies have 2 sets for their seperate life stages. Lesson was planned, estimated time 1 hour 20 minutes, and my wife started the lesson. 20 minutes later I get an email, the entire lesson is done, he knows about DNA and was able to describe the double helix shape and that it contains the instructions on how to build a body. Easily figured out how butterflies would cope with having 2 different body forms, and only surprised by the fact there was DNA in every cell not just one of few in control. He learned a few things but most was him figuring things out not having to be taught.

Be careful how you encourage. I should know this better than most. One thing that rings in my ears from not doing well early PE lessons 'Don't worry, you can't be good at everything.' Intended to make me accept academic prowess should compensate for not compliment physical ability. Reality is it made me think I would never be fit, and I have hated and fought against this most of my adult life.
My son is a perfectionist, liking everything to be right first time, and of course wants to be the best. I told him that he can be good at anything he sets his mind to but no-one can be the best at everything. It would be better to compete with himself than compare to the best at everything and feel disheartened. Supportive and encouraging was the aim, and he seemed relatively happy with the idea especially when I said it was how I am. He is his own person no question, but he is still my son, and unforgiving of himself. A few weeks later he was unhappy at himself again and when I asked why 'I have been able to do this for weeks now, I should be better by now.' not easy to criticise when you see your own behaviour.

Unfortunately you aren't permitted to throttle incompetent teachers.
There were some really great teachers at my son's old school. One I had my doubts about and was proven wrong, being honest I told her and regard her as the best thing that school has ever had.
To my mind the worst teachers puts blame on their students, especially when parents or professionals have told them what needs to be done and they are too lazy to do so. Finding out that your child was literally too scared of them to talk to you about it when under their care makes the blood boil.
As a home tutor you will have to deal with the wreckage they leave behind which can be a child who is ahead of the game and still been told they are not good enough and failing. If a teacher is saying their class is failing, it's fairly obvious that there is only one common denominator, and it's them.
There is an expression, those who can do, those who can't teach. This is very unfair in a number of cases and I do remember some great teachers from my youth who worked hard and I learnt a lot from. They were all aware that knowing the content of the books doesn't make you a teacher, being able to put the knowledge across clearly in a way that would be retained does. Unfortunately there are a number who go to this profession when life after university isn't as easy as they expected it to be and they want a way to get rid of student debt. I am not implying they are the majority and even some of these strive to do the job well. Unfortunately there is a core group who never get over life not being handed to them on a big enough silver platter and these few are generally the worst teachers you could imagine.

Background to why (Home Ed)

I am a big fan of education and believe it is the way forward for anyone. As such we enrolled our son in an independent school in the hope of enhancing his school experience and future potential. This may not seem like a big deal to some until you consider his school fees were more than our mortgage when he was there, this was not something we took lightly.
Independent schools are a luxury which felt the squeeze of the economic downturn. Meaning fees went up while quality of service dropped immensely. When they found my son's brilliance came at a cost, that meant them having to do more work for their money, we became unwelcome. The schools in our area aim for average and fall well short, I went to some like those, so know if you have a working brain in one of them you either let it wither and die, or get into a lot of trouble. Mine didn't die, and I don't want my son going the same way.
My son is Asperger's meaning he struggles in social situations but as with many similar is academically brilliant absorbing knowledge at a rate rarely seen. In school breaks and lunches are like having his worst topic 3 times a day, and he would be recovering from one, worrying about another, or in the biggest nightmare of his daily life, unstructured play. We have decided to home school, not a cheap option as it meant losing one income and still spending on equipment and resources for his education. But he's worth it
I have experience in adult education so am good at lesson planning, and have a very lateral mind meaning I am able to take the curriculum we use as starting point and add to it in ways that mean he will enjoy it and learn far more than most would need to in school. However I am not good enough at dealing with my son to be his teacher, fortunately my wife is. This presents an additional challenge when we are teaching areas my wife remembers little of, as she has to learn it before teaching it. However the music, art and creative work that many home schooling struggle with are her forte and he is learning these well, all in all his education is well rounded.
This means a lot of our time and energy goes into planning ever more advanced lessons for our son, who always wants to be learning more and gets bored with revision incredibly fast. In fairness when revising things he has forgotten it is accepted but he has yet to learn good grace when he has fully retained it first time.
There are a number of home educators who seem to have gone this route to skip parts they don't approve of, like or agree in. Some for social or religious reasons others I can only assume out of desire to increase ignorance. We are not in this group and teach everything, whether or not we like or agree in it, even when we know it will upset our son. The world is not pleasant and simple throughout and the reward for ignorance is limitation and isolation, not something any parent should want for their child. Others will disagree, as is their right, but I want my son to make his own decisions and am glad to say he is growing up different to my wife and I in many ways meaning he is becoming himself. I don't like all of his personality traits, but I don't like all of mine, so that's good.
We invited our local education authority to assess us annually. They visited once and were blown away, we haven't seen them since. They are not remotely helpful regarding resources etc. so it wasn't upsetting, just annoying that they haven't done as agreed. Many seem to want to fight the authorities, not sure why as all they need to see is that you are providing an education for your children and if you choose to home school that is the least people should expect of you.
This has been going on for almost 2 years now and we have made a few errors, but he is ahead of the standard required at his age, in some cases by a long way. Socially he is behind as expected but we work with this as much as possible and most meeting him don't see the issues unless we go over time. Basically he is learning how to behave and keeping himself in line for the times he has planned, but going beyond that will sometimes mean he is worn out from the effort and this can get difficult. My wife deals with him daily so is as used to this as possible, but anyone who has seen children with AS will know it's heart-breaking to watch when they can no longer cope.
There will be some things on here showing how well he is doing. It will not have report cards, just a few moments of pride and innocent amusement. If you want to know more about what we do etc. please ask. If it involves personal information I will often refuse, but guidance, support or good humour we'll be there.