There are various little tests we are given in workplaces etc. that are interesting to do and show how well we know ourselves and occasionally surprise us with the results.
Last year my workplace decided to try Myers Briggs testing and I came out as ENTP, which when filtering through the delicate language distills down as arrogant, argumentative know it all with no consideration for the feelings of others. My reaction was to think 'Like I didn't already know that and like I would care.' I think it may have been right.
There are various reasons why I was actually pleased with this, some of them are the pictures I saw when googling ENTP. There were pictures of the fictional character I most resemble, the Joker from Batman, with captions like 'I'm not crazy, I'm not' others with just text saying 'ENTP I'm not crazy, I'm just smarter than you' or 'ENTP I'm awesome, you're not' etc. You get the idea, we're the shy, retiring, modest type.
So with so much charm, is there anything wrong with being ENTP? And what does it take to get the most out of one?
Well the answer to the first is pretty easy. We seem to scare the living excrement out of a number of people, tending not to concern ourselves with the prospect that not everyone will want to be spoken to and many are happy being in their shell. As my son has picked up on saying occasionally modesty is for the imperfect, maybe it's not a good idea for me to teach him charm and confidence.
In terms of how to get the best out of us I would say my wife does well, largely because of her ISTJ, take no nonsense attitude. Many of the images for hers were quite dull or along the lines of 'ballbreaker' which she can be if riled but often isn't, the far more appropriate was the image of a woman and caption saying 'Excuse me sir, you seem to have a problem, what with your brain being missing' which covered it perfectly. Most of us don't suffer fools gladly but she takes the award for making it very clear to anyone who can count above their IQ that they are being tolerated against her better judgement. It can be very amusing to see people who have considered her patient with them and her face very much expressing that they were too stupid to even notice how much she had to dumb down to them.
There is of course a history to why I like being ENTP and why I am more than happy to see my son is so confident he will joke about being perfect in a manner that shows confidence rather than nervous avoidance of issues. When you have been brought up and nurture at home and school in a manner that makes you feel you are of little value then gradually build up confidence to the level where it often spills into arrogance, you find yourself being very proud to be considered occasionally arrogant and sometimes confused when others don't.
We all need to be made aware how special we aren't occasionally to keep our feet at least close to the ground but I am far happier with over spilling confidence than as the person who either wanted to die for some years.
Showing posts with label Things to hate about me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Things to hate about me. Show all posts
20 November 2015
26 October 2015
Pro-Life vs. Real Life
Brought on by finding out the rules on who can and cannot adopt in the UK have become very lax. So people put up for adoption could end up in a home worse than the one giving them up.
When I was in my late teens the pro-life brigade seemed to be in full force, they may still be, but I don't see them as much now. As a rule I tended to leave them to their ranting and walk on by when they were preaching in the city centre near my home.
On one occasion however someone decided to confront me directly asking if I supported abortion, appalled at my answer of 'Yes.' Ordinarily I think this guy was used to people giving him a chance to start his prepared speeches on how evil this is etc. I think a bit faster and asked him 'If your predecessors had persuaded someone to have a child they didn't want. When child grew up, would they thank you?'
Such an obvious question received the very obvious answer or 'Yes.'
My response of 'Then why don't I?' Was as far from his expectation as it was possible to get.
Since this time I have stuck to simply telling people in this type of group to thank their parents for a very happy childhood and how strongly I mean that. The facts I have learned since starting to value my life a lot more are more than most of them could handle.
Most will have encountered speculation about the sensations of a fetus at age of abortion, firm scientific facts to back them up etc. but none the less without being a fetus that is being aborted none of us truly know. However we do know the level of pain many suicide attempts result in. Paracetamol overdose can leave someone suffering for up to 3.5 hours before they eventually die, by an hour in there is no going back in most cases. This type is a favourite because people assume overdose is easier, it isn't, I knew this and never tried it. Safe to say suicide attempts of fully developed humans are generally more traumatic than what happens to a fetus. So when you consider over 95% of 'saved' abortions attempt suicide more than once, it says a lot for how well saved they are. Singular serious attempts are considered normal experimentation, so people who have tried just once tend to be excluded form such figures, it's when there are multiple attempts meaning someone suffered once and still tried again that it raises flags. This fact alone shows that pro-life is not really saving a lot in many cases.
The reason most want to abort is they don't want the child and there is no better reason not to have a child than that. I am not advocating this as a replacement for contraception but when something goes wrong there is no reason the parent and child should have to suffer when there is no need. Many see this as people being irresponsible, from my viewpoint I consider not being willing to put a child through a life of knowing their parent didn't want them to be very responsible. Unfortunately many finding themselves in the situation of wanting an abortion are too easily persuaded it will all be OK after the birth, as if somehow having a totally demanding life demanding care and attention from them will fix it all.
My mother was a long term alcoholic, something many will judge as the cause for her predicament rather than a follow on. Like many people she wasn't shown a great deal of affection in her youth and as was verified by my gran in her declining years when the filter between her mind and her mouth faded, she was brought up to feel she was very much second rate and second class in virtually every way by her mother. Her mother, my gran, wasn't shown a great deal more affection and the chain continued to me, a chain I am proud to have broken, much to the disgust of many seeing how open I am with the pride and love I have for my son.
As many of her generation did and no doubt many still do now, she viewed marriage as her only escape so and when my father offered this, she took it with both hands. Love is where you value something more than yourself, something I don't think my mother has ever truly done due to a mix of fear and uncertainty of how. She convinced herself the marriage was love, but became aware a few years later it wasn't. By then she had already been convinced to have me, a child she knew she wasn't ready for and didn't want.
So before I was school age I was in the sole care of a woman who had correctly thought she wasn't ready to be a mother, had no experience of seeing herself as being loved and even less about what to do next. Like many in this situation she sought escape, for her this was alcohol, there are many alternatives.
It only really became clear to me how long she had been an alcoholic when she stopped drinking and I actually had to give thought to getting her a present instead of simply buying her a bottle. Which is as telling on how much of a disassociated mess I was at that time as it was on her. She learned as many do that running and hiding from problems in substances is only ever a short term fix. When you stop not only have you still got the problems but you have the effects of the substance use to deal with too.
Most would look at this situation and somehow see her as the bad guy in the picture. In truth there is no singular villain here, so many contributed to making her unable to get out of the bottle, including juvenile me, there are too many for any 1 person to point fingers at.
My mother is not unique by any means, especially in being smart enough to realise she would be out of her depth as a parent, unfortunately like many she was dissuaded from this.
Even though I am very happy with my life now, it was only a few years ago that I realised it was half my life where I had considered myself someone worthy of living and being happy to be alive. Even now I am not convinced I feel the cost of my younger life to be worth what I now have. the damage I have caused to people during my life is not my parents fault, I did the deeds so must take responsibility, but I wasn't equipped to deal with life in a responsible way and that is something we ideally need to be taught by our parents.
So in the world of pro-life, the woman gets pregnant, has a brief moment of doubt, gets talked round, has the baby, goes to live in a house with a little picket fence around it keeping all negativity away and everyone lives happily ever after.
In real life however the woman gets pregnant, thinks long and hard about how unprepared they are and the damage thy could cause a child, gets talked round, learns they were absolutely right. Now not only do they have all the issues they had before, they have no time at all to devote to sorting them out because they have a baby depending on them and demanding all their attention. If she is lucky the child will grow older and take the difficult road to sort themselves out, more often however they will either kill themselves deliberately or accidentally through alcohol or other substance abuse or simply spend the rest of their life feeling as undervalued as their parents.
Life's tough, most of us know this and all of us have our sob stories. The trick of being a parent isn't to avoid the child seeing how tough life is but being able to support them through this so they have the tools required when they are in situations like it outside of our care. When we are still too busy trying to tidy up our own mess and know we aren't ready to guide someone through our own this shouldn't be penalised, it should be supported. The same people who are a mess now and have serious issues to sort out could well make excellent parents in the future, but in the meantime they already know they aren't ready for dependents.
When I was in my late teens the pro-life brigade seemed to be in full force, they may still be, but I don't see them as much now. As a rule I tended to leave them to their ranting and walk on by when they were preaching in the city centre near my home.
On one occasion however someone decided to confront me directly asking if I supported abortion, appalled at my answer of 'Yes.' Ordinarily I think this guy was used to people giving him a chance to start his prepared speeches on how evil this is etc. I think a bit faster and asked him 'If your predecessors had persuaded someone to have a child they didn't want. When child grew up, would they thank you?'
Such an obvious question received the very obvious answer or 'Yes.'
My response of 'Then why don't I?' Was as far from his expectation as it was possible to get.
Since this time I have stuck to simply telling people in this type of group to thank their parents for a very happy childhood and how strongly I mean that. The facts I have learned since starting to value my life a lot more are more than most of them could handle.
Most will have encountered speculation about the sensations of a fetus at age of abortion, firm scientific facts to back them up etc. but none the less without being a fetus that is being aborted none of us truly know. However we do know the level of pain many suicide attempts result in. Paracetamol overdose can leave someone suffering for up to 3.5 hours before they eventually die, by an hour in there is no going back in most cases. This type is a favourite because people assume overdose is easier, it isn't, I knew this and never tried it. Safe to say suicide attempts of fully developed humans are generally more traumatic than what happens to a fetus. So when you consider over 95% of 'saved' abortions attempt suicide more than once, it says a lot for how well saved they are. Singular serious attempts are considered normal experimentation, so people who have tried just once tend to be excluded form such figures, it's when there are multiple attempts meaning someone suffered once and still tried again that it raises flags. This fact alone shows that pro-life is not really saving a lot in many cases.
The reason most want to abort is they don't want the child and there is no better reason not to have a child than that. I am not advocating this as a replacement for contraception but when something goes wrong there is no reason the parent and child should have to suffer when there is no need. Many see this as people being irresponsible, from my viewpoint I consider not being willing to put a child through a life of knowing their parent didn't want them to be very responsible. Unfortunately many finding themselves in the situation of wanting an abortion are too easily persuaded it will all be OK after the birth, as if somehow having a totally demanding life demanding care and attention from them will fix it all.
My mother was a long term alcoholic, something many will judge as the cause for her predicament rather than a follow on. Like many people she wasn't shown a great deal of affection in her youth and as was verified by my gran in her declining years when the filter between her mind and her mouth faded, she was brought up to feel she was very much second rate and second class in virtually every way by her mother. Her mother, my gran, wasn't shown a great deal more affection and the chain continued to me, a chain I am proud to have broken, much to the disgust of many seeing how open I am with the pride and love I have for my son.
As many of her generation did and no doubt many still do now, she viewed marriage as her only escape so and when my father offered this, she took it with both hands. Love is where you value something more than yourself, something I don't think my mother has ever truly done due to a mix of fear and uncertainty of how. She convinced herself the marriage was love, but became aware a few years later it wasn't. By then she had already been convinced to have me, a child she knew she wasn't ready for and didn't want.
So before I was school age I was in the sole care of a woman who had correctly thought she wasn't ready to be a mother, had no experience of seeing herself as being loved and even less about what to do next. Like many in this situation she sought escape, for her this was alcohol, there are many alternatives.
It only really became clear to me how long she had been an alcoholic when she stopped drinking and I actually had to give thought to getting her a present instead of simply buying her a bottle. Which is as telling on how much of a disassociated mess I was at that time as it was on her. She learned as many do that running and hiding from problems in substances is only ever a short term fix. When you stop not only have you still got the problems but you have the effects of the substance use to deal with too.
Most would look at this situation and somehow see her as the bad guy in the picture. In truth there is no singular villain here, so many contributed to making her unable to get out of the bottle, including juvenile me, there are too many for any 1 person to point fingers at.
My mother is not unique by any means, especially in being smart enough to realise she would be out of her depth as a parent, unfortunately like many she was dissuaded from this.
Even though I am very happy with my life now, it was only a few years ago that I realised it was half my life where I had considered myself someone worthy of living and being happy to be alive. Even now I am not convinced I feel the cost of my younger life to be worth what I now have. the damage I have caused to people during my life is not my parents fault, I did the deeds so must take responsibility, but I wasn't equipped to deal with life in a responsible way and that is something we ideally need to be taught by our parents.
So in the world of pro-life, the woman gets pregnant, has a brief moment of doubt, gets talked round, has the baby, goes to live in a house with a little picket fence around it keeping all negativity away and everyone lives happily ever after.
In real life however the woman gets pregnant, thinks long and hard about how unprepared they are and the damage thy could cause a child, gets talked round, learns they were absolutely right. Now not only do they have all the issues they had before, they have no time at all to devote to sorting them out because they have a baby depending on them and demanding all their attention. If she is lucky the child will grow older and take the difficult road to sort themselves out, more often however they will either kill themselves deliberately or accidentally through alcohol or other substance abuse or simply spend the rest of their life feeling as undervalued as their parents.
Life's tough, most of us know this and all of us have our sob stories. The trick of being a parent isn't to avoid the child seeing how tough life is but being able to support them through this so they have the tools required when they are in situations like it outside of our care. When we are still too busy trying to tidy up our own mess and know we aren't ready to guide someone through our own this shouldn't be penalised, it should be supported. The same people who are a mess now and have serious issues to sort out could well make excellent parents in the future, but in the meantime they already know they aren't ready for dependents.
22 July 2015
Speaking Ill Of the Dead
This has made me unpopular a few times and the fact others seem to have decided to idealise a person who caused me a lot of pain in my life is causing me more than a little distress at the moment.
The person concerned is my father and while some of the below is very minor in the eyes of many, the collective effect is something I spent years recovering from.
While married to my mother they found she was pregnant. She knew she wasn't ready to be a mum so wanted to abort, he pressured her into keeping me. In itself not horrendous but when you have married someone and forced them into keeping a child they knew they weren't ready for it is more than a little cowardly to run away from both of these commitments. The relationship was ended due to irreconcilable differences, aka both having affairs and in truth this was likely going on before I was born on his part. Those with high ideals regarding anti-abortion, please thank your parents for a very happy life, only people with one could be so ignorant. Also consider over 95% or 'saved' abortions attempt suicide multiple times then consider how well they have really been saved.
My mother got custody, whether this is the best thing that could have happened I will never know but he got full visitation rights and I know how much effort she put in to make him an active part of my life. Active part doesn't mean saying you will be there and not turning up so many times for so many years the zero confidence child eventually responds to 'I'll see you on Friday' with 'Which Friday?' before turning and walking away. If you aren't pretty close to 100% sure you can keep the promise, don't make it. You feel far less worthless if someone says they'll be in touch about a visit than if they continuously don't turn up when they say they will.
One of the milestone moments in most children's lives is when they first learn to ride a bike without stabilisers. Something my mother could have done but felt would be good to have my dad to to give me a positive memory I could link to him. My moment of pride and joy at managing this after trying for some time was only equaled by my disappointment when I saw he considered this was job done and could then get going back to his new family.
Knowing that for years I lived literally 5 minutes away from a junction he passed on his way to and from work, yet still couldn't be bothered to come in to see me.
My mother was no bargain either and as is not uncommon in my home town at 16 years old I was kicked out of home. I couple of months later my dad turned up to visit, not to check on my well being, just to find out how long I had been living alone as my mother hadn't notified him and was still collecting maintenance payments. Visit length was minutes which considering he would have spent over an hour travelling each way to find this out, left no doubt of it's purpose.
In order to get through stuff like this you have to let it go, so when he apologised under the influence of a lot of alcohol I gave him a clean slate. I had long accepted I was a part of his life he regretted having happened and saw no point clinging to it. There are people who will say being over things means it never effecting you again, this is wrong, that is burying it, being over it is dealing with something and moving on.
I did tend to think my life was the only one he was prepared to mess up. After all his new wife was keeping to the agreement made, looking after the house, bringing up the children and letting him be the provider. I was, as I often am, wrong. His system of viewing marriage as a casual thing hadn't changed. He was happily sleeping around and would have left his second wife and family too if my sister (half sister really) hadn't insisted he stay. He did so but I would never declare he would have done so faithfully.
When I noticed he was starting to make the same promises to my son and not keep them as he had to me I started cutting him short and telling him to give us a call when he would be available to visit us again. That was the biggest mark on his cleaned slate, damaging my life was bad enough, doing so to my son would never be allowed. My son's reaction to his death has been that it won't bother him as he never knew him, in truth I have to agree and would say neither do I.
When he died I was slightly relieved. We visited him a few weeks ago, when he was still lucid which was no small feat because he is a long way from my home. The thought of going to visit him again to spend minutes in his company then go back again for a funeral was filling me with dread, hence the relief. This feeling reminded me of the many times in my youth I wished him dead and how angry and upset he'd made me so many times. When asked by the person who will speak at his funeral for things I remembered about him I realised there is not a single happy memory in my mind associated to him. The net effect is I have been struggling a lot mentally lately and realise the lessons I have learned from my father are all how not to live and treat people.
Sorry but when someone lives there life being a total a hole then dies, they don't become perfect, they just change from being a live a hole to a dead one.
The person concerned is my father and while some of the below is very minor in the eyes of many, the collective effect is something I spent years recovering from.
While married to my mother they found she was pregnant. She knew she wasn't ready to be a mum so wanted to abort, he pressured her into keeping me. In itself not horrendous but when you have married someone and forced them into keeping a child they knew they weren't ready for it is more than a little cowardly to run away from both of these commitments. The relationship was ended due to irreconcilable differences, aka both having affairs and in truth this was likely going on before I was born on his part. Those with high ideals regarding anti-abortion, please thank your parents for a very happy life, only people with one could be so ignorant. Also consider over 95% or 'saved' abortions attempt suicide multiple times then consider how well they have really been saved.
My mother got custody, whether this is the best thing that could have happened I will never know but he got full visitation rights and I know how much effort she put in to make him an active part of my life. Active part doesn't mean saying you will be there and not turning up so many times for so many years the zero confidence child eventually responds to 'I'll see you on Friday' with 'Which Friday?' before turning and walking away. If you aren't pretty close to 100% sure you can keep the promise, don't make it. You feel far less worthless if someone says they'll be in touch about a visit than if they continuously don't turn up when they say they will.
One of the milestone moments in most children's lives is when they first learn to ride a bike without stabilisers. Something my mother could have done but felt would be good to have my dad to to give me a positive memory I could link to him. My moment of pride and joy at managing this after trying for some time was only equaled by my disappointment when I saw he considered this was job done and could then get going back to his new family.
Knowing that for years I lived literally 5 minutes away from a junction he passed on his way to and from work, yet still couldn't be bothered to come in to see me.
My mother was no bargain either and as is not uncommon in my home town at 16 years old I was kicked out of home. I couple of months later my dad turned up to visit, not to check on my well being, just to find out how long I had been living alone as my mother hadn't notified him and was still collecting maintenance payments. Visit length was minutes which considering he would have spent over an hour travelling each way to find this out, left no doubt of it's purpose.
In order to get through stuff like this you have to let it go, so when he apologised under the influence of a lot of alcohol I gave him a clean slate. I had long accepted I was a part of his life he regretted having happened and saw no point clinging to it. There are people who will say being over things means it never effecting you again, this is wrong, that is burying it, being over it is dealing with something and moving on.
I did tend to think my life was the only one he was prepared to mess up. After all his new wife was keeping to the agreement made, looking after the house, bringing up the children and letting him be the provider. I was, as I often am, wrong. His system of viewing marriage as a casual thing hadn't changed. He was happily sleeping around and would have left his second wife and family too if my sister (half sister really) hadn't insisted he stay. He did so but I would never declare he would have done so faithfully.
When I noticed he was starting to make the same promises to my son and not keep them as he had to me I started cutting him short and telling him to give us a call when he would be available to visit us again. That was the biggest mark on his cleaned slate, damaging my life was bad enough, doing so to my son would never be allowed. My son's reaction to his death has been that it won't bother him as he never knew him, in truth I have to agree and would say neither do I.
When he died I was slightly relieved. We visited him a few weeks ago, when he was still lucid which was no small feat because he is a long way from my home. The thought of going to visit him again to spend minutes in his company then go back again for a funeral was filling me with dread, hence the relief. This feeling reminded me of the many times in my youth I wished him dead and how angry and upset he'd made me so many times. When asked by the person who will speak at his funeral for things I remembered about him I realised there is not a single happy memory in my mind associated to him. The net effect is I have been struggling a lot mentally lately and realise the lessons I have learned from my father are all how not to live and treat people.
Sorry but when someone lives there life being a total a hole then dies, they don't become perfect, they just change from being a live a hole to a dead one.
3 November 2014
Genre Snobs or Metal Pretenders
As the name of the blog covers and a vast minority of my posts state as well as lifting heavy metal I like listening to it. My upbringing introduced me to the inescapable fact that fans of often ear bleeding metal are in somewhat of a minority in civilised or uncivilised society. So of course there is no way a minority group like this would be stupid enough to try splitting themselves into yet more miniscule minority groups is there? That would be stupid beyond belief so of course it happens.
I watch rather a lot of my music on youtube, because I am old and out of touch so this is a good way to find new music I like, and the volume of pretenders stating the album isn't hardcore, melodic death metal because the lead guitarist is using a silver spoon as a plectrum or similarly pointless comparison is just mind numbing for those of us who have one. There are more genres of metal out there than there were bands performing it in the UK charts for most of the 90s, in fairness the metal scene in the UK was pretty slow in that decade but seriously guys you need to get a grip a bit less often. There is classic metal, soft metal, death metal, metalcore, death core, melodic death, hardcore punk, tutu wearing metal, and so many more it is absurd to think no song could end up in more than one genre let alone a full album.
Being the sort of person who tolerates stupidity so happily I of course support the pretenders at every opportunity by pointing out they need to spend a bit more time enjoying the music or finding stuff they do like rather than trying to be a pseudo aficionado on if the power chords are suitably low and bar is the correct amount of milliseconds each to fit the genre in the title.
There is no specific genre I seem to like universally, I like metal that is heavy in sound, fast, with lyrics that are either ridiculous, callous or thought provoking, and clear enough for me to understand while still having the sound that keeps it aggressive. A lot of my music is from this century, because the foundations laid in the classic metal mean newer bands can take more risks, making the music faster, heavier and more abusive than before without risking having no audience. Without the likes of Alice Cooper, who is still awesome if a bit soft for my tastes (who hasn't got away with more than they should to 'Poison'?), there could have been no Iron Maiden, without them there could be no Sepultura then Heaven Shall Burn etc. Of course such views are always well received by the genre snobs as all could imagine, of course this last is total nonsense, but there are always several liking my comments, ranging from kiddie metalheads to other middle aged men who are supposed to have grown out of this by now.
My tastes are definitely getting heavier, something I am noticing due to the number of times I am blipping through songs in the car that would have been fine years ago because they are too soft or slow. I can imagine me listening to someone singing about the injustice of war and government with white noise in the background in a matter of months, I am sure youtube will have that somewhere, I think it might be under the genre of hardcore metalcore with added tutu or something similar.
I watch rather a lot of my music on youtube, because I am old and out of touch so this is a good way to find new music I like, and the volume of pretenders stating the album isn't hardcore, melodic death metal because the lead guitarist is using a silver spoon as a plectrum or similarly pointless comparison is just mind numbing for those of us who have one. There are more genres of metal out there than there were bands performing it in the UK charts for most of the 90s, in fairness the metal scene in the UK was pretty slow in that decade but seriously guys you need to get a grip a bit less often. There is classic metal, soft metal, death metal, metalcore, death core, melodic death, hardcore punk, tutu wearing metal, and so many more it is absurd to think no song could end up in more than one genre let alone a full album.
Being the sort of person who tolerates stupidity so happily I of course support the pretenders at every opportunity by pointing out they need to spend a bit more time enjoying the music or finding stuff they do like rather than trying to be a pseudo aficionado on if the power chords are suitably low and bar is the correct amount of milliseconds each to fit the genre in the title.
There is no specific genre I seem to like universally, I like metal that is heavy in sound, fast, with lyrics that are either ridiculous, callous or thought provoking, and clear enough for me to understand while still having the sound that keeps it aggressive. A lot of my music is from this century, because the foundations laid in the classic metal mean newer bands can take more risks, making the music faster, heavier and more abusive than before without risking having no audience. Without the likes of Alice Cooper, who is still awesome if a bit soft for my tastes (who hasn't got away with more than they should to 'Poison'?), there could have been no Iron Maiden, without them there could be no Sepultura then Heaven Shall Burn etc. Of course such views are always well received by the genre snobs as all could imagine, of course this last is total nonsense, but there are always several liking my comments, ranging from kiddie metalheads to other middle aged men who are supposed to have grown out of this by now.
My tastes are definitely getting heavier, something I am noticing due to the number of times I am blipping through songs in the car that would have been fine years ago because they are too soft or slow. I can imagine me listening to someone singing about the injustice of war and government with white noise in the background in a matter of months, I am sure youtube will have that somewhere, I think it might be under the genre of hardcore metalcore with added tutu or something similar.
14 April 2014
Angry Pacifist
The contrast of this confuses a lot of people and hasn't done my popularity any favours, good job I consider popularity over-rated really. This will be full of generalisations, I know all generalisations are wrong but if I state not all are like this every time it is going to get more than a little ridiculous.
The simple question I get asked is how someone embracing peace can justify getting angry. Something that shows an outstanding ignorance to the world around them and what it really means to be a pacifist.
There are the hippy pacifists who chuff away on their cannabis declaring peace wearing their designer tie dyed CND t-shirts, you may have guessed I am not a fan.
Cannabis, the peace drug. Yes it does make people more sedate in most cases and does such a good job of suppressing the nervous system that long term use means they tend not to get it jump started again. However the trade itself is far from peaceful, local and international violence are rife within the trade of every illegal drug, so using it to maintain peace shows incredible lack of understanding.
CND, the pathway to peace. Yes I would like CND (complete nuclear disarmament) I cannot think of anyone who can count above their IQ who relishes the idea of dying in a nuclear winter. But a quick look around the world and you will see there is plenty of war going on without the use of a single nuclear weapon. A look in the history books shows that in the thousands of recorded years before we split the atom there was plenty of war and millions died in it.
Hypocrisy. I describe my stance as a pacifist as being incredibly hypocritical and feel that refusing to accept this really haven't thought it through.
I have the right to be a pacifist because others have fought and died in wars for me to be allowed this. So without war I wouldn't be allowed to embrace peace. this is the worst but there is more.
Oil, aka the real WMD from Iraq, they found it and there is such little doubt that this was the true cause for the latest hostile takeover the US and UK have combined forces for. I use it and many of the other things wars have been fought over. Even if I didn't drive the fact I eat means food has been transported, the fact i am dressed means the chances are i am wearing clothes made by people kept repressed in militarised countries.
Priorities. I have a wife and son and I know if they were to be taken from me in a violent manner the person(s) doing so would need to be arrested for their protection. We all have our pressure points and my family is my life so without them I truly wouldn't care. Reality is this is so unlikely I can safely declare it isn't going to happen. The point is still valid, my pacifist ideals have a limit.
Main targets of anger. I was brought up in a military town and can say with some authority there are a number of military personnel who enjoy their job and prospect of killing too much. They are however the minority, except where chefs are concerned, because most know that going to war means they are as likely to be wearing this seasons latest fashion in body bags as the enemy. So much to the shock of many I don't actually have a lot of anger at the military itself, I wish we didn't need one obviously, but we do and people wanting to fight, kill and die for the illusion of ideology used to cover true intent are entitled to do so.
My anger is further up the chain of command. Where people who will never fire a shot make decisions that cost lives they don't care about in order to give them more money, power etc. This isn't new, so if anyone reading this thinks it's a gripe about the latest profit maker please consider history is one of my passions.
Let's have a look at a couple of well known wars from the early part of the 20th century.
World War 1 started when the Austia-Hungarians decided the best way to honour a man who said not to go to war against Serbia during his life was to do this exact thing after he was shot. Once war started it became predominantly an issue between Germany, Belgium, France, England and Russia considering the royalty in charge of Germany, England and Russia were all cousins it isn't a massive stretch to say millions died as a result of a family disagreement.
World War 2, the inevitable result of a rushed and badly managed end to the first. One my grandfather fought and killed in. He is one of many decorated killers in my family, one who declared that we were too easily trained for that type of work. This wasn't a man of great education, in fact he was illiterate until he met my Gran, but he was far from dumb. He realised after the war had ended and he was working for peanuts watching those in authority get rich that the liberty he believed he'd been killing for was just another power struggle were he and others were considered disposable.
Bringing things up to date we had Blair declaring terrorism as the 'new evil of our time' as we partnered up with the Americans to invade a country using a blatant lie as a smoke shield. I know terrorists are officially people acting in a military manner without uniform so our troops weren't terrorists, but I would say the act of entering someone's country to take their resources without appropriate sanctions is using terror to get what they wanted. Sick part that makes me angry, is I have to pay for this out of my taxes, so I am funding an unjust war I never wanted without choice.
Realism. I know there is no way I will ever see this world at peace, it doesn't stop me wanting it. We live in a world where might is worshipped and ignorance is embraced and encouraged by people who profit from it. However things are changing, information is more freely available than ever, of course you need to filter through a lot of trash to find it but more people are starting to see through the bull and realise the cost isn't justifiable.
I am not confident enough to say there is peace in our future, but as more people start getting angry about wholesale violence as I do the chances increase. Who knows.
The simple question I get asked is how someone embracing peace can justify getting angry. Something that shows an outstanding ignorance to the world around them and what it really means to be a pacifist.
There are the hippy pacifists who chuff away on their cannabis declaring peace wearing their designer tie dyed CND t-shirts, you may have guessed I am not a fan.
Cannabis, the peace drug. Yes it does make people more sedate in most cases and does such a good job of suppressing the nervous system that long term use means they tend not to get it jump started again. However the trade itself is far from peaceful, local and international violence are rife within the trade of every illegal drug, so using it to maintain peace shows incredible lack of understanding.
CND, the pathway to peace. Yes I would like CND (complete nuclear disarmament) I cannot think of anyone who can count above their IQ who relishes the idea of dying in a nuclear winter. But a quick look around the world and you will see there is plenty of war going on without the use of a single nuclear weapon. A look in the history books shows that in the thousands of recorded years before we split the atom there was plenty of war and millions died in it.
Hypocrisy. I describe my stance as a pacifist as being incredibly hypocritical and feel that refusing to accept this really haven't thought it through.
I have the right to be a pacifist because others have fought and died in wars for me to be allowed this. So without war I wouldn't be allowed to embrace peace. this is the worst but there is more.
Oil, aka the real WMD from Iraq, they found it and there is such little doubt that this was the true cause for the latest hostile takeover the US and UK have combined forces for. I use it and many of the other things wars have been fought over. Even if I didn't drive the fact I eat means food has been transported, the fact i am dressed means the chances are i am wearing clothes made by people kept repressed in militarised countries.
Priorities. I have a wife and son and I know if they were to be taken from me in a violent manner the person(s) doing so would need to be arrested for their protection. We all have our pressure points and my family is my life so without them I truly wouldn't care. Reality is this is so unlikely I can safely declare it isn't going to happen. The point is still valid, my pacifist ideals have a limit.
Main targets of anger. I was brought up in a military town and can say with some authority there are a number of military personnel who enjoy their job and prospect of killing too much. They are however the minority, except where chefs are concerned, because most know that going to war means they are as likely to be wearing this seasons latest fashion in body bags as the enemy. So much to the shock of many I don't actually have a lot of anger at the military itself, I wish we didn't need one obviously, but we do and people wanting to fight, kill and die for the illusion of ideology used to cover true intent are entitled to do so.
My anger is further up the chain of command. Where people who will never fire a shot make decisions that cost lives they don't care about in order to give them more money, power etc. This isn't new, so if anyone reading this thinks it's a gripe about the latest profit maker please consider history is one of my passions.
Let's have a look at a couple of well known wars from the early part of the 20th century.
World War 1 started when the Austia-Hungarians decided the best way to honour a man who said not to go to war against Serbia during his life was to do this exact thing after he was shot. Once war started it became predominantly an issue between Germany, Belgium, France, England and Russia considering the royalty in charge of Germany, England and Russia were all cousins it isn't a massive stretch to say millions died as a result of a family disagreement.
World War 2, the inevitable result of a rushed and badly managed end to the first. One my grandfather fought and killed in. He is one of many decorated killers in my family, one who declared that we were too easily trained for that type of work. This wasn't a man of great education, in fact he was illiterate until he met my Gran, but he was far from dumb. He realised after the war had ended and he was working for peanuts watching those in authority get rich that the liberty he believed he'd been killing for was just another power struggle were he and others were considered disposable.
Bringing things up to date we had Blair declaring terrorism as the 'new evil of our time' as we partnered up with the Americans to invade a country using a blatant lie as a smoke shield. I know terrorists are officially people acting in a military manner without uniform so our troops weren't terrorists, but I would say the act of entering someone's country to take their resources without appropriate sanctions is using terror to get what they wanted. Sick part that makes me angry, is I have to pay for this out of my taxes, so I am funding an unjust war I never wanted without choice.
Realism. I know there is no way I will ever see this world at peace, it doesn't stop me wanting it. We live in a world where might is worshipped and ignorance is embraced and encouraged by people who profit from it. However things are changing, information is more freely available than ever, of course you need to filter through a lot of trash to find it but more people are starting to see through the bull and realise the cost isn't justifiable.
I am not confident enough to say there is peace in our future, but as more people start getting angry about wholesale violence as I do the chances increase. Who knows.
15 May 2013
Fast Recovery - The Bodies Forgivenness
I am constantly amused by the number of people who view my lifestyle as healthy. I am teetotal, don't smoke or partake of the array of recreational narcotics enjoyed by many, I drink masses of water and have stable healthy bodyfat, blood pressure and heart rate, so on the surface understandable. The big glowing red herring however is my fitness obsession prompting many to declare me as very fit and healthy.
I am currently in an enforced rest period because once again I pushed myself too far. In fairness this is the first actual injury in 3.5 years, the last being a dislocated shoulder, but I spend so much of my time right on the border of injury that my training cannot be deemed healthy.
This is also the latest in a line of events where I have recovered far quicker than most would think I deserved including me. A good example was around 9 years ago when I crushed my toes in the tail lift of a truck, when at hospital several hours later I declared that it was only flesh damage as it would have hurt more if I had broken something, x-ray showed 3 toes broken one in 2 places, those thinking this is a tough guy boast I didn't know how much a broken toe should hurt and did scream rather well when doing it. The injury is not so much the point as the recovery, day of hospital visit I was issued crutches and given anti-inflammatories and offered painkillers, knowing I am too stupid not to damage myself unless there is pain I refused the latter. Next day the crutches went back, I wasn’t ready just hated the crutches more than the discomfort of walking. A week later I was cycling to work, the next week 2 days were running, the trip was around 6 miles.
Now I am older and should apparently be wiser, so when I hurt my back training that should have seen me partaking of bed rest and being sensible, not driving, working, and playing with my son in the park. Considering the damage was caused less than 2 weeks ago I certainly shouldn’t be partaking of one of the highest impact activities around, running, but I am and wanting to be back to pace soon.
I treat my body as something that must do as it is told regardless of how stupid the demand, and in general it does it. There is a certain amount of my recovery that is due to my fitness level but I think some of it is tolerance. I accept a greater level of pain than most in the pursuit of what I want, to any thinking this is advice to follow, please consider I wake up in pain daily and part of my justification for training at high intensity is that I may as well hurt from the previous day or so as from damage I cause many years ago.
I have no idea what it would take for me to be realistic and start ‘acting my age’ with sensible moderate training on a long term basis, and hopefully I will never find out.
My fast recovery has led to a certain level of arrogance where I know I have recovered quickly in the past and expect it all of the time, mercifully I have been right so far, he says feeling soreness in his back from the lunchtime run.
Don’t know whose quote this is but it is a favourite.
I am immortal until proven otherwise!
I am currently in an enforced rest period because once again I pushed myself too far. In fairness this is the first actual injury in 3.5 years, the last being a dislocated shoulder, but I spend so much of my time right on the border of injury that my training cannot be deemed healthy.
This is also the latest in a line of events where I have recovered far quicker than most would think I deserved including me. A good example was around 9 years ago when I crushed my toes in the tail lift of a truck, when at hospital several hours later I declared that it was only flesh damage as it would have hurt more if I had broken something, x-ray showed 3 toes broken one in 2 places, those thinking this is a tough guy boast I didn't know how much a broken toe should hurt and did scream rather well when doing it. The injury is not so much the point as the recovery, day of hospital visit I was issued crutches and given anti-inflammatories and offered painkillers, knowing I am too stupid not to damage myself unless there is pain I refused the latter. Next day the crutches went back, I wasn’t ready just hated the crutches more than the discomfort of walking. A week later I was cycling to work, the next week 2 days were running, the trip was around 6 miles.
Now I am older and should apparently be wiser, so when I hurt my back training that should have seen me partaking of bed rest and being sensible, not driving, working, and playing with my son in the park. Considering the damage was caused less than 2 weeks ago I certainly shouldn’t be partaking of one of the highest impact activities around, running, but I am and wanting to be back to pace soon.
I treat my body as something that must do as it is told regardless of how stupid the demand, and in general it does it. There is a certain amount of my recovery that is due to my fitness level but I think some of it is tolerance. I accept a greater level of pain than most in the pursuit of what I want, to any thinking this is advice to follow, please consider I wake up in pain daily and part of my justification for training at high intensity is that I may as well hurt from the previous day or so as from damage I cause many years ago.
I have no idea what it would take for me to be realistic and start ‘acting my age’ with sensible moderate training on a long term basis, and hopefully I will never find out.
My fast recovery has led to a certain level of arrogance where I know I have recovered quickly in the past and expect it all of the time, mercifully I have been right so far, he says feeling soreness in his back from the lunchtime run.
Don’t know whose quote this is but it is a favourite.
I am immortal until proven otherwise!
30 January 2013
Happily Married
Why is this a reason to hate me? If you don't know you are another fortunate person totally happy in their relationship, congratulations and do feel free to tell everyone how wonderful it is and annoy them all the more.
We live in a world of economic free fall, internet dating where married is an option not only selectable by those putting themselves on the site but by those looking for already married partners. Divorce or separation is so much a part of life there are greetings cards and celebrations organised to commemorate them.
There are also many in relationships or marriages they hate who spend most of their time moaning about their partners or trying to spend time away from them.
I remember being happily single and hurt by separation, I never hated others who were luckier. Since being married I have noticed there are many who do. I always got out, or kicked out, of relationships that weren't working so didn't have the envy of others that unhappy relationships breed.
The secret to happy marriage or long term relationship is simple and complex in equal measure, and if you follow what I have done you will likely fail miserably.
How did I get here?
First, I wasn't looking for love. Lust had no future but its present was good enough for me. When I met my then future wife there was no expectation or grand plan.
I was a grade A bar steward and nearly lost her early on by doing so. Don’t do this, it’s stupid. Fortunately she was strong enough to tell me to either behave or leave. I behaved.
We both helped and supported each other. No-one enters a relationship perfect and it is ludicrous to expect this. What you want to be is more important than what you are. If you want the same it can work, if not you will have a long miserable time or separate. Both of us had the same basic aims in life and were willing to work for it.
Patience was another key part, especially on my wife's part. Despite me being a few years her senior I was substantially less mature and needed a few serious kicks in the rear.
Assessing feelings. This shouldn't need prompting, if it does tell the person that you are giving it thought. Don't just go quiet and come back with the answer another time, regardless of the answer the other person will assume the worst. Being out of touch with your feelings is a weakness not strength, it means you can't handle them, no that you have them under control. I know this because when asked a few years in I didn't really know what my feelings were and was too weak to admit it.
Since then I have been very open about my love for my wife and how strongly I feel that she is more than I deserve. I tell her often and evidently have the air of someone who is happily married, as a total stranger used me to prove how easy it was to spot someone who was married, then checked.
I openly acknowledge I have the best person there is for me. She may not be what everyone wants and I sure am not but together we are perfect, that is all that matters.
There have been rough times which have and will strain our relationship. But we know the good times are worth working through everything else for.
So what are usual methods of generating disaster? Below are a few, none of them are absolute but if you are guilty of most the reason you hate people like me is your own stupidity.
Looking for Mr or Mrs Right every time. Never going to happen, as much as anything else because what you have in your mind is unlikely to be your ideal match and interpretation is everything. Friendly and outgoing is one person’s drunk clubber and another's charity worker.
Expecting everything to be perfect. If someone is full of all the right words and buys you lavish gifts. It could be wonderful, alternatively it could be an act and a path to bankruptcy. Look at what you want and how satisfying the whole relationship and direction is. There is nothing wrong with a romantic fling, if you accept it as such, but after a hard day at work you may not want to hoover up the path of rose petals leading to your bedroom, and prefer someone you can have a good moan to.
Inflexibility. If you see the person you are with is willing to work toward the relationship, you have to be willing to do the same, which will mean give and take both ways. Remember you aren't perfect either.
First ship sailing. The first person who says they love you is not automatically the one for you. If you find they aren't learn from the experience and accept this defeat. It is generally better to risk time alone than be eternally unhappy with the wrong person.
Don't go cold. Break ups hurt if serious feeling were invested. The reason they hurt is because of the good times you had in the relationship, keep this factored into the equation. If you find this is not the case and that you are not enjoying relationships where you have invested all of your feelings, see top of this list.
Love is a combination of luck and work, more the latter than the former. The rewards are worth the work and being open to the experience will bring the luck.
It’s easy for me to sit in judgement, I had the luck, put in the work and have a great relationship, which we still work at. I have also seen so many cases where people have evidently been really stupid about their approach or claim how wonderful they are for having been in a marriage for x years, when it's so clear neither have any love for the other and the relationship is pure habit.
We live in a world of economic free fall, internet dating where married is an option not only selectable by those putting themselves on the site but by those looking for already married partners. Divorce or separation is so much a part of life there are greetings cards and celebrations organised to commemorate them.
There are also many in relationships or marriages they hate who spend most of their time moaning about their partners or trying to spend time away from them.
I remember being happily single and hurt by separation, I never hated others who were luckier. Since being married I have noticed there are many who do. I always got out, or kicked out, of relationships that weren't working so didn't have the envy of others that unhappy relationships breed.
The secret to happy marriage or long term relationship is simple and complex in equal measure, and if you follow what I have done you will likely fail miserably.
How did I get here?
First, I wasn't looking for love. Lust had no future but its present was good enough for me. When I met my then future wife there was no expectation or grand plan.
I was a grade A bar steward and nearly lost her early on by doing so. Don’t do this, it’s stupid. Fortunately she was strong enough to tell me to either behave or leave. I behaved.
We both helped and supported each other. No-one enters a relationship perfect and it is ludicrous to expect this. What you want to be is more important than what you are. If you want the same it can work, if not you will have a long miserable time or separate. Both of us had the same basic aims in life and were willing to work for it.
Patience was another key part, especially on my wife's part. Despite me being a few years her senior I was substantially less mature and needed a few serious kicks in the rear.
Assessing feelings. This shouldn't need prompting, if it does tell the person that you are giving it thought. Don't just go quiet and come back with the answer another time, regardless of the answer the other person will assume the worst. Being out of touch with your feelings is a weakness not strength, it means you can't handle them, no that you have them under control. I know this because when asked a few years in I didn't really know what my feelings were and was too weak to admit it.
Since then I have been very open about my love for my wife and how strongly I feel that she is more than I deserve. I tell her often and evidently have the air of someone who is happily married, as a total stranger used me to prove how easy it was to spot someone who was married, then checked.
I openly acknowledge I have the best person there is for me. She may not be what everyone wants and I sure am not but together we are perfect, that is all that matters.
There have been rough times which have and will strain our relationship. But we know the good times are worth working through everything else for.
So what are usual methods of generating disaster? Below are a few, none of them are absolute but if you are guilty of most the reason you hate people like me is your own stupidity.
Looking for Mr or Mrs Right every time. Never going to happen, as much as anything else because what you have in your mind is unlikely to be your ideal match and interpretation is everything. Friendly and outgoing is one person’s drunk clubber and another's charity worker.
Expecting everything to be perfect. If someone is full of all the right words and buys you lavish gifts. It could be wonderful, alternatively it could be an act and a path to bankruptcy. Look at what you want and how satisfying the whole relationship and direction is. There is nothing wrong with a romantic fling, if you accept it as such, but after a hard day at work you may not want to hoover up the path of rose petals leading to your bedroom, and prefer someone you can have a good moan to.
Inflexibility. If you see the person you are with is willing to work toward the relationship, you have to be willing to do the same, which will mean give and take both ways. Remember you aren't perfect either.
First ship sailing. The first person who says they love you is not automatically the one for you. If you find they aren't learn from the experience and accept this defeat. It is generally better to risk time alone than be eternally unhappy with the wrong person.
Don't go cold. Break ups hurt if serious feeling were invested. The reason they hurt is because of the good times you had in the relationship, keep this factored into the equation. If you find this is not the case and that you are not enjoying relationships where you have invested all of your feelings, see top of this list.
Love is a combination of luck and work, more the latter than the former. The rewards are worth the work and being open to the experience will bring the luck.
It’s easy for me to sit in judgement, I had the luck, put in the work and have a great relationship, which we still work at. I have also seen so many cases where people have evidently been really stupid about their approach or claim how wonderful they are for having been in a marriage for x years, when it's so clear neither have any love for the other and the relationship is pure habit.
Commuter cyclist introduction
This is the area that will mark me as one of the most loathed group of people on the planet, commuter cyclists.
Let’s start of by levelling the field a bit. Yes I hate a number of other commuter cyclists too, but I tend to hate brainless cage dwellers equally as much.
The cries I hear about us jumping red lights and not paying road tax are tired and more than a little pointless now. In the UK cars can be on the road paying no road tax and totally legal. If you watch a set of lights there will be cars diving through after they have just changed red when they can, and there is no camera to catch them out.
There are no totally innocent or guilty group on the road and most of the things I hate seeing are as prevalent in all groups.
Negligible observations. There is one thing jumping a light when it is safe and all directions have been checked, it is quite another when someone drives or rides through without even bothering to check. The same goes for not bothering to look before turning, especially when you haven’t signalled, or being polite to your passengers by looking at them while talking rather than the road ahead.
Bullying. Similar to above in some results but different in approach. This is when riders or drivers see there is someone following the rules and forces their way through endangering all around them. Most common is the 4x4, white van man, taxi or toy racer, but there is no group that doesn’t contain bullies. If you went the wrong way or took the wrong lane to cut past traffic and force your way in, congratulations you are a bully and a major cause of road deaths every year.
Them and us. I have been guilty of this and told people that they should trade their cage for something more in keeping with their driving ability, like a bus pass. In reality I have however given cyclists as much grief as car drivers proportionately, when they are out at night in trendy black gear and no lights, I ride past and tell them how stupid they are. There are unfortunately a lot of groups on the road who feel that demonstrating their superiority means being inconsiderate to all others.
There are a few cases when I have known bullying or them and us to have backfired beautifully.
Some years ago a couple of gym buddies of mine had organised shared travel home. Driver was a bit over average size, and the other was over 20 stones (280 pounds, 130kg approx). One journey, the bigger guy was shattered and laid down in the back seat, there was a nice case of bullying with them being carved up on a roundabout. Driver sounded the horn and carver stopped to give the driver what for, as he steamed back to have a go driver got out and the sleeping beauty in the back awoke thinking he must be home. Driver noticed face of carver pale as he watched someone unfolding out of the back rubbing his eyes. He didn’t stick around to find out his opinion.
One biker I knew remembered very clearly someone bullying his way toward a motorway junction from the outside lane, deciding that a biker in the way should simply move aside. His opinion changed when the biker who had just had to avoid potential death pushed a button and was able to produce a pretty light and sound show, only available on undercover police bikes.
One thing to remember when commuting is that we all have the same aim, to get home quickly and safely. Regardless of what vehicle the person is using there is a strong chance of is a family or loved one at home wanting to see them again. Before you do something dangerously stupid try thinking how your family would feel if you were that person and didn’t make it home because of an idiot. If you are too much of a muppet to care consider that in the UK death by dangerous driving carries a maximum 12 years imprisonment and this maximum is used frequently. If you think you have too much to lose with a minimum 6 year absence, like your job, home and virtually everything else, drive or ride with intelligence and integrity.
None of us are innocent and I am far from it. I will be the person you see riding up the middle of two lines of stationary, or close to traffic, ducking through the lights when there is nothing coming the other way and generally doing what I can to avoid stopping without putting others at risk. I also get it wrong on occasions, my observations are among the best because I know I will be coming off worst, and I have years of experience at spotting stupidity ahead. That said I do miss things on rare occasions and can be more aggressive on the road than I should be. I use the principal if in doubt shout so have upset people when unsure if they have seen me, when pointed out I apologise, but I am usually gone before a response can be made so will have wound people up who were actually safe. I ride assuming everyone else is largely useless and am usually wrong because most people are at least competent, however riding this pessimistically has kept me alive and I will not be changing it.
You are of course welcome to post details of your absolute hatred for me and all my kind here. I may even surprise you by agreeing, it has happened before.
One final thing to remember. Virtually all of us consider ourselves to be better than average drivers. By sheer use of statistics this means over half of us are wrong.
The picture is for those in doubt. And yes I really am that ugly.
Let’s start of by levelling the field a bit. Yes I hate a number of other commuter cyclists too, but I tend to hate brainless cage dwellers equally as much.
The cries I hear about us jumping red lights and not paying road tax are tired and more than a little pointless now. In the UK cars can be on the road paying no road tax and totally legal. If you watch a set of lights there will be cars diving through after they have just changed red when they can, and there is no camera to catch them out.
There are no totally innocent or guilty group on the road and most of the things I hate seeing are as prevalent in all groups.
Negligible observations. There is one thing jumping a light when it is safe and all directions have been checked, it is quite another when someone drives or rides through without even bothering to check. The same goes for not bothering to look before turning, especially when you haven’t signalled, or being polite to your passengers by looking at them while talking rather than the road ahead.
Bullying. Similar to above in some results but different in approach. This is when riders or drivers see there is someone following the rules and forces their way through endangering all around them. Most common is the 4x4, white van man, taxi or toy racer, but there is no group that doesn’t contain bullies. If you went the wrong way or took the wrong lane to cut past traffic and force your way in, congratulations you are a bully and a major cause of road deaths every year.
Them and us. I have been guilty of this and told people that they should trade their cage for something more in keeping with their driving ability, like a bus pass. In reality I have however given cyclists as much grief as car drivers proportionately, when they are out at night in trendy black gear and no lights, I ride past and tell them how stupid they are. There are unfortunately a lot of groups on the road who feel that demonstrating their superiority means being inconsiderate to all others.
There are a few cases when I have known bullying or them and us to have backfired beautifully.
Some years ago a couple of gym buddies of mine had organised shared travel home. Driver was a bit over average size, and the other was over 20 stones (280 pounds, 130kg approx). One journey, the bigger guy was shattered and laid down in the back seat, there was a nice case of bullying with them being carved up on a roundabout. Driver sounded the horn and carver stopped to give the driver what for, as he steamed back to have a go driver got out and the sleeping beauty in the back awoke thinking he must be home. Driver noticed face of carver pale as he watched someone unfolding out of the back rubbing his eyes. He didn’t stick around to find out his opinion.
One biker I knew remembered very clearly someone bullying his way toward a motorway junction from the outside lane, deciding that a biker in the way should simply move aside. His opinion changed when the biker who had just had to avoid potential death pushed a button and was able to produce a pretty light and sound show, only available on undercover police bikes.
One thing to remember when commuting is that we all have the same aim, to get home quickly and safely. Regardless of what vehicle the person is using there is a strong chance of is a family or loved one at home wanting to see them again. Before you do something dangerously stupid try thinking how your family would feel if you were that person and didn’t make it home because of an idiot. If you are too much of a muppet to care consider that in the UK death by dangerous driving carries a maximum 12 years imprisonment and this maximum is used frequently. If you think you have too much to lose with a minimum 6 year absence, like your job, home and virtually everything else, drive or ride with intelligence and integrity.
None of us are innocent and I am far from it. I will be the person you see riding up the middle of two lines of stationary, or close to traffic, ducking through the lights when there is nothing coming the other way and generally doing what I can to avoid stopping without putting others at risk. I also get it wrong on occasions, my observations are among the best because I know I will be coming off worst, and I have years of experience at spotting stupidity ahead. That said I do miss things on rare occasions and can be more aggressive on the road than I should be. I use the principal if in doubt shout so have upset people when unsure if they have seen me, when pointed out I apologise, but I am usually gone before a response can be made so will have wound people up who were actually safe. I ride assuming everyone else is largely useless and am usually wrong because most people are at least competent, however riding this pessimistically has kept me alive and I will not be changing it.
One final thing to remember. Virtually all of us consider ourselves to be better than average drivers. By sheer use of statistics this means over half of us are wrong.
The picture is for those in doubt. And yes I really am that ugly.
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