Happily Married

Why is this a reason to hate me? If you don't know you are another fortunate person totally happy in their relationship, congratulations and do feel free to tell everyone how wonderful it is and annoy them all the more.

We live in a world of economic free fall, internet dating where married is an option not only selectable by those putting themselves on the site but by those looking for already married partners. Divorce or separation is so much a part of life there are greetings cards and celebrations organised to commemorate them.
There are also many in relationships or marriages they hate who spend most of their time moaning about their partners or trying to spend time away from them.

I remember being happily single and hurt by separation, I never hated others who were luckier. Since being married I have noticed there are many who do. I always got out, or kicked out, of relationships that weren't working so didn't have the envy of others that unhappy relationships breed.

The secret to happy marriage or long term relationship is simple and complex in equal measure, and if you follow what I have done you will likely fail miserably.
How did I get here?

First, I wasn't looking for love. Lust had no future but its present was good enough for me. When I met my then future wife there was no expectation or grand plan.
I was a grade A bar steward and nearly lost her early on by doing so. Don’t do this, it’s stupid. Fortunately she was strong enough to tell me to either behave or leave. I behaved.
We both helped and supported each other. No-one enters a relationship perfect and it is ludicrous to expect this. What you want to be is more important than what you are. If you want the same it can work, if not you will have a long miserable time or separate. Both of us had the same basic aims in life and were willing to work for it.
Patience was another key part, especially on my wife's part. Despite me being a few years her senior I was substantially less mature and needed a few serious kicks in the rear.
Assessing feelings. This shouldn't need prompting, if it does tell the person that you are giving it thought. Don't just go quiet and come back with the answer another time, regardless of the answer the other person will assume the worst. Being out of touch with your feelings is a weakness not strength, it means you can't handle them, no that you have them under control. I know this because when asked a few years in I didn't really know what my feelings were and was too weak to admit it.
Since then I have been very open about my love for my wife and how strongly I feel that she is more than I deserve. I tell her often and evidently have the air of someone who is happily married, as a total stranger used me to prove how easy it was to spot someone who was married, then checked.
I openly acknowledge I have the best person there is for me. She may not be what everyone wants and I sure am not but together we are perfect, that is all that matters.
There have been rough times which have and will strain our relationship. But we know the good times are worth working through everything else for.

So what are usual methods of generating disaster? Below are a few, none of them are absolute but if you are guilty of most the reason you hate people like me is your own stupidity.

Looking for Mr or Mrs Right every time. Never going to happen, as much as anything else because what you have in your mind is unlikely to be your ideal match and interpretation is everything. Friendly and outgoing is one person’s drunk clubber and another's charity worker.
Expecting everything to be perfect. If someone is full of all the right words and buys you lavish gifts. It could be wonderful, alternatively it could be an act and a path to bankruptcy. Look at what you want and how satisfying the whole relationship and direction is. There is nothing wrong with a romantic fling, if you accept it as such, but after a hard day at work you may not want to hoover up the path of rose petals leading to your bedroom, and prefer someone you can have a good moan to.
Inflexibility. If you see the person you are with is willing to work toward the relationship, you have to be willing to do the same, which will mean give and take both ways. Remember you aren't perfect either.
First ship sailing. The first person who says they love you is not automatically the one for you. If you find they aren't learn from the experience and accept this defeat. It is generally better to risk time alone than be eternally unhappy with the wrong person.
Don't go cold. Break ups hurt if serious feeling were invested. The reason they hurt is because of the good times you had in the relationship, keep this factored into the equation. If you find this is not the case and that you are not enjoying relationships where you have invested all of your feelings, see top of this list.

Love is a combination of luck and work, more the latter than the former. The rewards are worth the work and being open to the experience will bring the luck.
It’s easy for me to sit in judgement, I had the luck, put in the work and have a great relationship, which we still work at. I have also seen so many cases where people have evidently been really stupid about their approach or claim how wonderful they are for having been in a marriage for x years, when it's so clear neither have any love for the other and the relationship is pure habit.