Reflections On The Past Year, Good & Bad

Well I'll start with the bad, training has truly gone to the wall this year. My worst year on record since I started. I could lie and say I don't care because the reasons are mostly worth it but I do because some of the reasons have been causing me seriously negative thoughts. The reasons are also far more important than the training, which means I care about the training lost but more about the people I lost out for.

My wife moved from some wheelchair use to frequent last year and this year general deterioration combined with someone using her car for their brakes has meant she is in a chair for any journey over a few metres and has to rely on motorised if the journey is too long or challenging for a manual chair. Injury from accident was upper spine which on an able body would be painful, for her it was immobilising as the pressure from wheeling a chair went straight to it.
The issue is nerve damage stemming from juvenile abuse, anyone supporting physical reprimand of children read on and take note. As with most abusers her father was doing it 'for her good' and in his mind was never excessive. This same is said by all using their hands when their brains aren't sufficient, whether it genuinely is a light tap or dropping a chair on their child's back. When parents cannot tell the safe limit, the only safe limit is no physical punishment. If you care about your child enough not to want to risk them being crippled use the contents of your head not your muscles.
The fact I know who is the source of my wife's daily pain, immobility and resulting depression is challenging my pacifist ideals to the limit. I won't harm him for a number of reasons but understand those desiring to do so all to well. When my wife is in so much pain it is a struggle to get her to the toilet without her ending up in tears with all the help I can give the desire to see the man who caused it and his wife who encouraged it get a real in depth understanding of long term pain is ever present.
The batterings along with years of fear derived sleep deprivation in her youth have caused irreparable damage to her nervous system. The latest symptom which has moved from occasional to almost weekly is nervous seizures, not epilepsy, that's still just me, but these happen during the day, mostly with plenty of warning but always resulting in increased pain from the fitting. As a result she stopped driving and has now needed to surrender her licence, meaning she is totally dependent on me to get her to places that need a driver.
The all round care her deterioration is the key reason for me not training as much as I would like this year. It could extend into next I don't know but we are now starting to get some help that could mean I can have some of my selfish time back.
On a related note I am also getting rather tired of hearing some others talking about how hard their life is because they are having to provide care for a loved one and get a pittance in carer's allowance as if I should be 100% with them. I do agree the amount they get is a joke considering how much it would cost to provide the care via a professional service but I get a bit tired of people not seeming to understand how hard providing the same care, working a full time job, commuting and getting absolutely nothing as a thank you is. This is not a sleight on the immense effort put in by non-working carers, and I do know the allowance system is set up to discourage working, but as a person doing so much I hate the way I get so little recognition in return and while some of this is from the system a lot seems to be from non working carers themselves who seem to feel I am somehow not giving up as much because I haven't surrendered our household income. This is not universal and some seem to understand, many of them have done the same and only stopped when the hours spent on care became too long. Let's just say it's a good job aesthetics isn't my thing because I think the last year must have aged me at least 5.

The driver of my wife's car when it was hit was of course me. While my damage was nothing like as dramatic as my wife's it was enough to mean I had to stop training for a while. Then of course because I am a total idiot came back and injured my knee by running with bad form. Then I did it again by assuming it was better, a week or so later. I am now back to running at minimum acceptable pace on good days, but the strength loss has been ridiculous.

That along with standard run of the mill stress, sleep loss etc. has been the bad of the year, and yes it has been pretty bad. However there have been some very good moments too.

The company I work for is one of the first I have encountered that don't have some stupid claim that their people are everything etc. but ironically I felt more valued here than anywhere I have worked before. What they lacked in silly captions they made up for in actually valuing their staff. Last year was a shift in this and when they finished this with a very stupid sign they had stopped valuing us at all, one I raised to HR in my impeccably subtle style, helped by what I was telling them would result from their actions starting while I was talking to them. They did a complete U turn on this and the result is once again I feel like a valued member of staff.
And despite telling HR they were being a tad foolish in detail, then questioning the CEO's predictions in public Q & A I got promoted as a reward for the work I have put in and the fact they knew we needed more than a 1 man team doing the work planned. So now I am running a team of 4.5 people, I share 1 of them with another team.
It's more stress, I am getting some of it right and learning while I get the rest of it wrong. We are behind as any project using top to bottom new technology would be especially when the goalposts are motorised during some periods. Some of the delays are totally my fault, others aren't but it's my team, my project so my responsibility. I am enjoying it and it is rewarding to be building up a team.

My son has now overtaken me in height. I expect him to be over 6 foot by the time he hits his 14th birthday next year, which means he is following his percentile curve perfectly and is likely to finish at around 6.5 foot tall and built like a barn door when full grown. His ambition was always to be big, I think it's job done.
He has continued to be my training partner now, meaning I have someone who will pick out every flaw in my form etc. It will be some time before he can spot me on bench or similar but by the time he can it will be a matter of little time before I struggle spotting him for weight I would imagine. Obviously with him being a juvenile, especially in accelerated growth his training intensity is never at rep max so he needs no spot except when learning a new technique where there is a potential for drop or harm, very rare and only actually used a couple of times. He like doing strange things on balance which is great for his core but sometimes means he tries something he can't do safely so he tries it, I stop him and he does something else to build up to it. No injuries, plenty of mild aches, no stunting of growth, sometimes a pity, and based on research I have done and observing him I think his connective tissue etc. is responding well to the training.

So this year ends with me doing well in some areas, not in others. The stress level is a lot higher and I need to make some adjustments to ensure this doesn't cause me serious problems, but I know this is the case so I am working on it. Currently this involves trying to be sure I get enough sleep, and ideally train to burn off my stress. I know it helps when I am getting it done. I also know I need to make time for it, but there is only a small time slot available for training and if I miss this I can't get it back without serving my family's meal too late.

Christmas is coming and Santa's sack has a fat bar and some bluetooth running headphones that take my pulse rate in it for me. If he loses them on route, he'll be wearing his naughty list as a suppository for the foreseeable, even if he is Odin with his 8 legged horse. On that note, Happy Hanukkah, which borrows severely from the Merry Christmas, which steals blatantly from Happy Yuletide. Don't tell me you never wondered how a religion starting in the Middle East happens to be celebrated in the same way the Northern Europeans celebrate Winter Solstice, especially when the story of Christ's birth is based in spring, you know with shepherds tending their lambs and all.
So to finish on a politically correct note, happy holidays one and all. Enjoy the remains of this year, and hope the next one is great.

Remedial Training Catch Up

Headline is, remedial is going well.

I am back to running, not quick in fact fastest so far was Monday of this week running 5.76 miles at 7.2mph, but it beats walking, which I had to settle with for a few weeks earlier in the year.
February came and went and I am back to being allowed some stupidity in the weights room. Only just starting new block so this has so far consisted of Sumo squats on decreasing reps the day after a seizure, but it felt good to be back to it again, even if it made me realise the rest of the week had to be running only.

I got promoted at work, so time just became a luxury I really don't have much of, but training still happens and the added stress hasn't killed me so all good there too.
I plan to start proper logging again next week.

Not doing the row across the channel. More than had enough fitness, but what looked like a day or so away from my family turned out to be 2 lots of 3 days and 1 of 4, sorry but that isn't happening. Family always comes first in my life and I spend enough time away from them at work without adding more.

I have been asked to assist them with some circuit training so will have a go at that as well. See how they do.

Update On Training Or Lack Thereof

Well last years targets were to get pistols squats nailed, I managed that and lose less than 4 weeks to illness, something my epilepsy meds make very difficult and I have failed quite spectacularly on that one.
For most of December I was ill and unable to train. So being what I thought was sensible I came back into the new year with just some running, reduced distance and new trainers following gait analysis. First run I strained my achilles, not much and certainly not enough that I gave it any time to recover. Some of my slowest runs in years later I have decided I have to rest it up properly because walking hurts enough without trying anything more.
I want to get back to doing some heavy work though so I am going to get back to upper body training as of next week and maybe try static leg rowing instead of running for a while.

During this time of rest and relaxation I did however transport most of the furniture, etc. and my gym around the house to enable my wife to effectively live in a first floor flat while living in a 2 floor house. Functional fitness at it's very best, actually using my strength and ability to do something useful.
Not a great start to 2016 but that's life.

Running 07-Dec-2015

Well 2 weeks off due to illness. Still not 100% recovered but I couldn't stay away from it any longer without going totally out of my mind. It's only a lousy cold but still enough to cause issues with my breathing and make me slower.
I knew this was going to be the case so decided it would be more beneficial to help my pacesetter get a good time for him than worry about getting one myself. Early in the last mile I could feel I was struggling too much with breathing and told him to go on ahead, meaning for the first time he beat me on the same distance. It was below my acceptable pace and his PB which means I got what I expected and he is deservedly very happy with himself. Sometimes it isn't about what we can achieve ourselves but how much we can help others achieve. That said I fully intend to beat him again on Wednesday.

7.39 miles in 59:25 (ouch) speed 7.5mph pace 8:02 min mile

Running 23-Nov-2015

Started feeling like a struggle, got to end point of 2nd of 3 repeated sections and knew that was my limit for the day. Got back to find the run was below my minimum acceptable pace by 2 seconds a mile and didn't figure why.
Following day woke up and felt the rest of a cold coming in. I really hate the reduced immunity from my epilepsy meds. No training for me for a couple of days. Not happy.

5.72 miles in 46:02 speed 7.5mph pace 8:02 min mile

Deadlift 20-Nov-2015

Increases in a few areas. Chins were easier this week, obviously the lower reps on stiff legs left me more endurance in the tank.


Stiff leg deadlift with fat gripz/ Narrow grip chins
3 sets 6, 7, ,6 x 90kg/ 10 reps

Upright row with olympic bar/ Single arm seated row with rope
3 sets 7 x 45kg/ 6 x 37.5kg

ENTP Me

There are various little tests we are given in workplaces etc. that are interesting to do and show how well we know ourselves and occasionally surprise us with the results.

Last year my workplace decided to try Myers Briggs testing and I came out as ENTP, which when filtering through the delicate language distills down as arrogant, argumentative know it all with no consideration for the feelings of others. My reaction was to think 'Like I didn't already know that and like I would care.' I think it may have been right.

There are various reasons why I was actually pleased with this, some of them are the pictures I saw when googling ENTP. There were pictures of the fictional character I most resemble, the Joker from Batman, with captions like 'I'm not crazy, I'm not' others with just text saying 'ENTP I'm not crazy, I'm just smarter than you' or 'ENTP I'm awesome, you're not' etc. You get the idea, we're the shy, retiring, modest type.

So with so much charm, is there anything wrong with being ENTP? And what does it take to get the most out of one?

Well the answer to the first is pretty easy. We seem to scare the living excrement out of a number of people, tending not to concern ourselves with the prospect that not everyone will want to be spoken to and many are happy being in their shell. As my son has picked up on saying occasionally modesty is for the imperfect, maybe it's not a good idea for me to teach him charm and confidence.

In terms of how to get the best out of us I would say my wife does well, largely because of her ISTJ, take no nonsense attitude. Many of the images for hers were quite dull or along the lines of 'ballbreaker' which she can be if riled but often isn't, the far more appropriate was the image of a woman and caption saying 'Excuse me sir, you seem to have a problem, what with your brain being missing' which covered it perfectly. Most of us don't suffer fools gladly but she takes the award for making it very clear to anyone who can count above their IQ that they are being tolerated against her better judgement. It can be very amusing to see people who have considered her patient with them and her face very much expressing that they were too stupid to even notice how much she had to dumb down to them.

There is of course a history to why I like being ENTP and why I am more than happy to see my son is so confident he will joke about being perfect in a manner that shows confidence rather than nervous avoidance of issues. When you have been brought up and nurture at home and school in a manner that makes you feel you are of little value then gradually build up confidence to the level where it often spills into arrogance, you find yourself being very proud to be considered occasionally arrogant and sometimes confused when others don't.

We all need to be made aware how special we aren't occasionally to keep our feet at least close to the ground but I am far happier with over spilling confidence than as the person who either wanted to die for some years.