Pro-Life vs. Real Life

Brought on by finding out the rules on who can and cannot adopt in the UK have become very lax. So people put up for adoption could end up in a home worse than the one giving them up.

When I was in my late teens the pro-life brigade seemed to be in full force, they may still be, but I don't see them as much now. As a rule I tended to leave them to their ranting and walk on by when they were preaching in the city centre near my home.
On one occasion however someone decided to confront me directly asking if I supported abortion, appalled at my answer of 'Yes.' Ordinarily I think this guy was used to people giving him a chance to start his prepared speeches on how evil this is etc. I think a bit faster and asked him 'If your predecessors had persuaded someone to have a child they didn't want. When child grew up, would they thank you?'
Such an obvious question received the very obvious answer or 'Yes.'
My response of 'Then why don't I?' Was as far from his expectation as it was possible to get.
Since this time I have stuck to simply telling people in this type of group to thank their parents for a very happy childhood and how strongly I mean that. The facts I have learned since starting to value my life a lot more are more than most of them could handle.

Most will have encountered speculation about the sensations of a fetus at age of abortion, firm scientific facts to back them up etc. but none the less without being a fetus that is being aborted none of us truly know. However we do know the level of pain many suicide attempts result in. Paracetamol overdose can leave someone suffering for up to 3.5 hours before they eventually die, by an hour in there is no going back in most cases. This type is a favourite because people assume overdose is easier, it isn't, I knew this and never tried it. Safe to say suicide attempts of fully developed humans are generally more traumatic than what happens to a fetus. So when you consider over 95% of 'saved' abortions attempt suicide more than once, it says a lot for how well saved they are. Singular serious attempts are considered normal experimentation, so people who have tried just once tend to be excluded form such figures, it's when there are multiple attempts meaning someone suffered once and still tried again that it raises flags. This fact alone shows that pro-life is not really saving a lot in many cases.

The reason most want to abort is they don't want the child and there is no better reason not to have a child than that. I am not advocating this as a replacement for contraception but when something goes wrong there is no reason the parent and child should have to suffer when there is no need. Many see this as people being irresponsible, from my viewpoint I consider not being willing to put a child through a life of knowing their parent didn't want them to be very responsible. Unfortunately many finding themselves in the situation of wanting an abortion are too easily persuaded it will all be OK after the birth, as if somehow having a totally demanding life demanding care and attention from them will fix it all.

My mother was a long term alcoholic, something many will judge as the cause for her predicament rather than a follow on. Like many people she wasn't shown a great deal of affection in her youth and as was verified by my gran in her declining years when the filter between her mind and her mouth faded, she was brought up to feel she was very much second rate and second class in virtually every way by her mother. Her mother, my gran, wasn't shown a great deal more affection and the chain continued to me, a chain I am proud to have broken, much to the disgust of many seeing how open I am with the pride and love I have for my son.
As many of her generation did and no doubt many still do now, she viewed marriage as her only escape so and when my father offered this, she took it with both hands. Love is where you value something more than yourself, something I don't think my mother has ever truly done due to a mix of fear and uncertainty of how. She convinced herself the marriage was love, but became aware a few years later it wasn't. By then she had already been convinced to have me, a child she knew she wasn't ready for and didn't want.
So before I was school age I was in the sole care of a woman who had correctly thought she wasn't ready to be a mother, had no experience of seeing herself as being loved and even less about what to do next. Like many in this situation she sought escape, for her this was alcohol, there are many alternatives.
It only really became clear to me how long she had been an alcoholic when she stopped drinking and I actually had to give thought to getting her a present instead of simply buying her a bottle. Which is as telling on how much of a disassociated mess I was at that time as it was on her. She learned as many do that running and hiding from problems in substances is only ever a short term fix. When you stop not only have you still got the problems but you have the effects of the substance use to deal with too.
Most would look at this situation and somehow see her as the bad guy in the picture. In truth there is no singular villain here, so many contributed to making her unable to get out of the bottle, including juvenile me, there are too many for any 1 person to point fingers at.

My mother is not unique by any means, especially in being smart enough to realise she would be out of her depth as a parent, unfortunately like many she was dissuaded from this.
Even though I am very happy with my life now, it was only a few years ago that I realised it was half my life where I had considered myself someone worthy of living and being happy to be alive. Even now I am not convinced I feel the cost of my younger life to be worth what I now have. the damage I have caused to people during my life is not my parents fault, I did the deeds so must take responsibility, but I wasn't equipped to deal with life in a responsible way and that is something we ideally need to be taught by our parents.

So in the world of pro-life, the woman gets pregnant, has a brief moment of doubt, gets talked round, has the baby, goes to live in a house with a little picket fence around it keeping all negativity away and everyone lives happily ever after.
In real life however the woman gets pregnant, thinks long and hard about how unprepared they are and the damage thy could cause a child, gets talked round, learns they were absolutely right. Now not only do they have all the issues they had before, they have no time at all to devote to sorting them out because they have a baby depending on them and demanding all their attention. If she is lucky the child will grow older and take the difficult road to sort themselves out, more often however they will either kill themselves deliberately or accidentally through alcohol or other substance abuse or simply spend the rest of their life feeling as undervalued as their parents.

Life's tough, most of us know this and all of us have our sob stories. The trick of being a parent isn't to avoid the child seeing how tough life is but being able to support them through this so they have the tools required when they are in situations like it outside of our care. When we are still too busy trying to tidy up our own mess and know we aren't ready to guide someone through our own this shouldn't be penalised, it should be supported. The same people who are a mess now and have serious issues to sort out could well make excellent parents in the future, but in the meantime they already know they aren't ready for dependents.

Rowing 22-Oct-2015

Decided to go for a bit of extra pace to get the intensity up and succeeded. Tuesday it was around 45 strokes a minute average, starting lower and getting quicker for 50 minutes. Today it was 50 strokes a minute from the start and it felt OK, right up to 30 minutes when my body said that was enough. I kept going for a bit but at 31:20 I had to either stop or slow down and decided to stop.
So new target is keep the 50 strokes per minute and build the time back up to 50 minutes. I don't foresee this taking too long to manage. Certainly taking it's toll on me this rowing anyway. I am permanently aching from it at the moment and only row twice a week, of course there is other stuff in my program that won't be helping with this.

Bench 21-Oct-2015

Last week of this block. Not a wonderful session, head was not in the room but it will do.

Bench press 10, 10, 8 x 70kg

Standing shoulder press with discs 10, 10, 5 x 16.25kg a side

Plyo push ups with clap, good height 3 x 10

Rowing 20-Oct-2015

Getting very used to this now, which is nice because I can work harder and be doing more rather than just knowing I am just plodding inefficiently.
Average rowing pace was around 45 rows per minute, was alternating sides as if paddling on either side of the boat, knees fixed to focus totally on full reach of upper body. Hopefully will be similar to the way it is on the boat, except then it will all be one side. 50 minutes done. Putting rowing pacer on 50 a minute next time, see how I go, it doesn't go any higher.

Squats 19-Oct-2015

Happy with this session. finished feeling I had given all I had and can feel the effects in my core and legs today. Nothing better, well there are better things, but this is top 10 material.
Bit of faffing with weights on squats to get right but I will accept this as part of the journey.

Squats 8 x 120kg (wanted 10), 10 x 110kg, 100 x 115kg felt like max for today.

Jump squats 3 x 10 x 90kg

Overhead squats 3 x 10 x 45kg

Running 19-Oct-2015

Conditions were almost perfect today. I gave what felt like all I had and if I am honest I thought I had more. Not a lot I can do about it now, but I definitely want to be getting closer to target on days like today.

7.35 miles in 56:10 speed 7.9mph pace 7:38 min mile

Running 16-Oct-2015

Proof I can practically run in my sleep, also proof I run slower in my sleep. Tired, been wound tight the last week, just starting to relax now. It was never going to be a good run. I have to accept it, there was nothing else to give, but I am less than pleased with today's effort.

7.35 miles in 56:58 speed 7.7mph pace 7:45 min mile

Rowing 15-Oct-2015

Weight training totally absent this week, which is annoying. Hope to do some on Saturday morning. Standard priorities applied and family wins every time.
At least rowing went well. 37+ rows a minute for 45 minutes. Happy enough with that.

Rowing 13-Oct-2015

Seems 30 minutes was the barrier to break. Once I got there it got easier.
Did 45 minutes at average of 35 rows a minute with static legs and lots of upper body reach and flex.
Getting used to this now. I am deeply suspicious I may be the only person who will be in the boat who is but ce la vie. There is still the option of throwing dead weight over the side.

Running 12-Oct-2015

Best time on that specific route. Still 6 seconds a mile, 46 seconds overall, off pace but I will take that for today. Bit of humidity coming back but temperature heading my way, 12 celcius, much better than it has been, really not good with heat.

7.36 miles in 55:58 speed 7.9mph pace 7:36 min mile

Training log catch up 09-Oct-2015

This week I found time for training not logging it.


Bench 07-Oct-2015

Still needing to work on shoulder strength. Plates are more awkward but I should be moving more.

Bench 3 x 10 x 70kg

Standing shoulder press with plates 10 x 16.25kg, 7 x 16.25kg 3 x 15kg, 5 x 16.25kg 5 x 15kg bit of a pause before 9th

Plyo push ups with clap 3 x 10 though last rep on last set didn't actually leave the ground. Others had good height.


Lunch row 08-Oct-2015 found a rowing pace app that works like a metronome. Set at 31 rows a minute and did 30 minutes, found pace a bit slow so will be doing 35 rows a minute next time. Felt very comfortable even with the static leg rowing to simulate static seat.


Deadlift 08-Oct-2015

Very happy with this one. Increased weight on 2 exercises, felt dead at the end and aching well from it today. All this with no warning signs from hip etc.

Deadlift with fat gripz 3 x 10 x 100kg Last set showed I truly am at my limit for 3 x 10 at that weight with fatties.

Wide grip seated row 3 x 10 x 70kg

Alternate single arm kettlebell swings swapping at shoulder height 3 x 10 a side x 28kg


Running 09-Oct-2015
Rowing is improving and I'm keeping the running fairly consistent. I'll take that as a good sign. I am almost totally unlikely to improve my running until I get my additional runs back instead of doing rowing practice but if I can go back to it with no loss I would consider that a win.

7.34 miles in 56:40 speed 7.8mph pace 7:43 min mile Noticing as well that the increase in mileage now means each of my runs burns approximately 960 calories, working on this and the run taking sub 57 minutes I am burning close to 17 calories a minute every run, 16.84211 if being precise.

Rowing 06-Oct-2015

Well with an unreliable display I don't know distance but it won't transfer to the boat anyway so no big deal.
I am getting used to the motion and really hope the boat is comparible. Not the way a rowing machine is supposed to be used but it won't do it any harm and with a fixed seat boat I need fixed seat style practice.
got my full 30 minutes in today and am starting to feel it becoming more natural. Long way to go to be ready to row 23 miles across the busiest shipping lane in the world yet though.

Squats 06-Oct-2015

There was just enough intelligence mixed in with my stupidity this time. First squat session without hip support since it slipped a while back. I knew this would impact on how much weight I could move so the first exercise was done with gradually increased weight. I probably could have gone a bit heavier but considering how I felt for a while after I think I pitched this just right for late remedial. The sensation in my right hip was definitely on the border between acceptable and will recover and too far, which is where I like remedial to be, scary that I rely on my intelligence for a living at times.
All told pretty happy with this session. Aching nicely today, not the proper telepgraph pole prostate exam look I expect from legs but they know they have been worked.

Squats 10 x 70kg, 90kg, 100kg

Jump squats 3 x 10x 70kg

Overhead squats 3 x 10 x 40kg

Running 05-Oct-2015

Bit of misty rain, not enough to cool but enough to make breathing less comfortable. Meant I was expecting a bit of a poor run. Quite happy that I was able to give it a bit of effort and improve on Friday's attempt.
Next part is deciding if I can get away with not using hip support in squat session this evening. In reality probably not, but sometimes you need to try to find out. Will see how I feel later.

7.35 miles in 56:42 speed 7.8mph pace 7:43 min mile

Running 02-Oct-2015

Quite fatigued from a hectic week with some good weight training done. Conditions were pretty much ideal for running, cool, relatively clear air fog in the morning but cleared at lunch time. I just didn't have enough to make the most of it today.
I wanted to be getting back to 8mph average and with rowing practice replacing some of my running that became less likely to happen. I know this but obviously am less than happy about it when I see pace dropping a bit. Quite how I seem to be running every time at exactly 5 second min mile splits I don't know.

7.36 miles in 57:07 speed 7.7mph pace 7:45 min mile

Deadlifts 01-Oct-2015

Getting very used to these fat gripz. Was remembering last night how when I started I was struggling to do more than 3 reps with 70kg before my grip failed, now I am doing sets of 10 with 90 and thinking next time needs to be 100 even with my body fatigued from the rowing earlier in the day.
Happy with this session. First one since hip slipped a month or so ago without my hip support and no issues from the hip at all. It also means a full week of weight training done which is a bonus I can't manage every week. Fitness is important, but if it ever trumps my wife and son I will cease to deserve them, that's life.

Deadlift with fat gripz 3 x 10 x 90kg

Wide grip seated row 1 x 50kg, 60kg, 65kg got to love the way the pulley is still smooth but makes the weight feel high

Single arm kettlebell swings switching at the top 3 x 10 a side x 28kg

Rowing 01-Oct-2015

Well a couple of curve balls were thrown into my rowing training. First I found out the boat isn't a nice modern styled machine with moving seats etc. This is a static seat, each of us rowing single side oars. So I have changed to rowing on the machine as if I was on this type of boat, taking pressure off my legs and piling it onto my core, back and arms instead, areas less used to stamina work.
Second the display sensors are playing up majorly. Initially I though this was just me being a wuss, but I can still count, and while the rower was ranging between 18 and 20 strokes a minute I counted 18 in 30 seconds. No big deal, just have to get the movement practice in and build the upper body stamina. No point going too fast anyway, the rest of my team are not what I would call fit, so my pace will be well above what they can manage meaning I will need to slow the strokes on the day.

20 minutes today. Totally new style of movement and killed me.

Bench 30-Sep-2015

Time to realise my shoulders are in need of work. I know pressing with plates instead of dumbbells is more awkward, especially whenn holding 15kg and a 2.5kg in each hand, and therefore more difficult pound for pound but I feel I should have been able to do this without thinking I will have to go to a lower weight next time.

Bench 3 x 10 x 70kg

Standing shoulder press with plates 10 x 17.5kg, 7 x 17.5kg 3 x 15kg, 8 x 15kg

Plyo push ups with clap 3 x 10, started with good height of the ground, got lower as I fatigued